That's How Your Childhood Affects Your Relationship.........@@@@@@@besteducationpage

SUMMARY:

- Grown-up pleasers have difficulties saying no, establishing clear personal boundaries, and expressing their true feelings. In romantic relationships, they give their all to their partners, once again, doing everything they possibly can to make them happy.

- Avoiders are highly logical. They enjoy their space and almost never get emotional. Even more so, they feel really uncomfortable when someone else shows strong emotions. The main problem in their relationships is the absence of emotional connection.

- Vacillators strive to find the stable love they never received in their childhood and make one crucial mistake while doing it: They idealize their partner. Every time a vacillator falls in love, they jump into the relationship right away, thinking they’ve found their perfect soul mate.

- Controllers view the world from 2 perspectives: They're either in control themselves or they're being controlled by others. They don't like stepping out of their comfort zone or expressing their emotions and vulnerability. The only feeling that isn't weak is anger, so they prefer to use it as a weapon to remain in power.

- In their adult life, victims become very adaptable and prefer to go with the flow. They can be described as introverted, shy, and self-conscious. Of course, all this doesn't help them in their romantic love at all. They have no idea what life is like without abuse and violence, so they tend to go for domineering, controlling, and even cruel partners.

[Music]

have you ever wondered why your romantic

relationships don't work out

psychologists believe the main reason

lies in your childhood since that's the

time when we form one of the five

unhealthy love styles so on to your

childhood and how it's connected to your

love life in their book how we love

discover your love style enhance your

marriage marriage and family therapists

Milan and Kay yerkovich discuss how your

childhood experiences create certain

love patterns that hold you back from

building a loving and committed

relationship more specifically they name

five main love styles that you can

develop thanks to your early years so

let's see what they're all about

number one the pleaser were you often

described as a good kid when you were

little do you feel anxious and upset

when the people around you are angry

with you

do you hate conflict if you gave three

positive answers your most probably a

pleaser pleasers usually grow up with

either extremely overprotective or very

critical parents this kind of unhealthy

environment makes them want to do

everything they can to make their

parents happy

but while everybody else is content the

pleasers themselves only get more and

more anxious since they don't receive

even half of the comfort they give to

their parents as a result grown-up

pleasers have difficulty saying no

establishing clear personal boundaries

and expressing their true feelings in

romantic relationships they give their

all to their partners once again doing

everything they possibly can to make

them happy so when their partner wants

to spend some quality time alone or with

friends pleasers get extremely depressed

and anxious thinking they're not enough

this can lead to misunderstandings and

conflicts that pleasers simply can't

handle they find it really difficult to

vocalize and address the problem

so they almost

never express it they just apologize

right away so the argument can be over

the main thing pleasers have to work on

if they want to have a healthy

relationship is expressing their

feelings freely and embracing their

imperfections stop setting unrealistic

expectations for yourself

there are always two people in a

relationship and your feelings and

opinions deserve to be heard as well

number two the avoider imagine living in

a family where the parents encourage

independence and teach you to take care

of yourself from a very early age seems

like a fine idea right not always this

is exactly the type of family that the

next love style comes from the avoider

avoiders parents focused way more on

making their kids self-sufficient than

showing them love and affection

just like pleasers the avoiders rarely

received any type of comfort from their

parents and never talked to them about

their own personal concerns insecurities

and issues this experience taught them

to suppress their feelings which slowly

found its way into their adult life

avoiders are highly logical they enjoy

their space and almost never get

emotional even more so they feel really

uncomfortable when someone else shows

strong emotions that's why the main

problem in their relationships is the

absence of emotional connection as they

find it hard to really bond with their

partner preferring to avoid issues

instead of talking openly about them if

you're an avoider and you strive for

understanding in a committed

relationship you have to learn how to

open up and express your emotions first

I know you hate to be vulnerable but

it's an important part of building a

strong emotional connection with your

partner try taking small steps in

opening up to your friends and lover a

bit more every day

it'll be awkward and hard at first but

after taking some time you'll have no

problem with it number three the Vasa

later the main problem of a Vasa leaders

childhood that strongly affects their

adult love life is they're unpredictable

parents this type of person realizes

from a very young age that they're not

at the top of their parents list of

priorities and what can possibly be more

damaging to a child Vasa leaders are

used to waiting for their parents to

show them love support and affection but

when their mom and dad finally do that

the Vasa leaders have become too angry

to receive it this childhood environment

creates a deep fear of abandonment and

hyper sensitivity to any signs of

connection that highly influenced Vasa

leaders romantic relationship they

strive to find the stable love they

never received in their childhood and

make one crucial mistake while doing it

they idealize their partner every time a

Vasa later falls in love they jump into

the relationship right away thinking

they found their perfect soul mate but

true love can't always be perfect and

when they realize that their

relationship is far from flawless Vasa

leaders become disappointed and doubtful

this leads to immature and unreasonable

fights and usually ends with separation

so here's a little message to all the

Vasa leaders out there take time to

actually know another person and don't

paint a perfect picture of them right

away relationships are hard and it takes

time and effort to make them work but if

you manage to get through tough and

turbulent times you'll get the stable

and beautiful love you've always wanted

number four the controller for pretty

much every controller you meet their

childhood is rather painful to remember

they were brought up in chaotic homes

with parents who not only never offered

them any protection but were also the

main source of their stress this

unfortunate experience teaches

controllers to toughen up and take care

of themselves in their future

it seems like a great lesson to learn

but in the controllers case it's way

more unhealthy than it seems

controllers view the world from two

perspectives they're either in control

themselves or they're being controlled

by others they don't like stepping out

of their comfort zone or expressing

their emotions and vulnerability the

only feeling that isn't weak is anger so

they prefer to use it as a weapon to

remain in power

that's why controllers prefer to

fiercely fight back and most of the

arguments they have with their partners

they tend to avoid compromises and

strongly disagree with their partner for

as long as it takes to make them give in

and agree even though this type sounds

harsh these people are actually some of

the most sensitive you can meet

controllers just don't want to put

themselves in a position where they can

get hurt therefore they use power and

control as a shield against

disappointment sadness and pain to build

a loving and strong relationship they

need to learn how to let go and trust

others to be vulnerable around them if

you're a controller don't immediately

jump to an angry response being honest

with your partner about how you feel

won't make you lose control it'll help

you lay the foundation for an amazing

support system you never knew you needed

number five the victim chaotic

households can create not only

controllers but people of another type

victims victims often grow up with

abusive angry and violent parents and

learn to cope with this by being as

invisible and quiet as possible a lot of

victims children create their own

fantasy and imaginary worlds in their

heads to get away from the horror that

happens at home these children can

tolerate the Intolerable which rarely

ends well for their mental health most

of the time such dramatic experiences

lead to serious depression and anxiety

in their adult life victims become very

adaptable and prefer to go with the flow

they can be described as introverted shy

and self-conscious

of course all this doesn't help them in

the romantic love life at all they have

no idea what life is like without abuse

and violence so they tend to go for

domineering controlling and even cruel

partners and since they learn to

tolerate anything bad that comes their

way from a very young age they find it

extremely difficult to stand up for

themselves and leave to find their happy

ever after with a good person

victims have to sort out their own

personal problems before committing to a

relationship fall in love with yourself

first

and do not accept any negativity or

disrespect coming your way if you're not

on your own side nobody else will be

leave the pain in the past and start

building a joyful future for yourself so

which one of these love styles is yours

tell us in the comments section below

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