how to improve your communication skills
on the Friday before Christmas last year
clifford went out on a date
he had chatted Julie up on tinder after
funny and gave the impression of a
mysterious girl who had an adventurous
life so he brought on his best game and
convinced Julie that he was interesting
enough to earn a first date she was
traveling for the holidays that Friday
afternoon but was available for a quick
lunch before flight the ambience at the
restaurant they went to encouraged
conversation and she was a talker
luckily for them Clifford was good at
asking questions unluckily for him he
couldn't seem to keep track of the
answers he blamed this on her
distracting smile her humor and the
intelligence that was evident in her
answers julie was unimpressed with the
fact that he seemed to be unaware of
what they were talking about Clifford
constantly jumped from topic to topic
with no grace he kept saying the same
things or stretching out a short point
into a million words I mean she
understood him the first time he said it
the accountant also couldn't seem to
keep his eyes on her face as she spoke
she told him all these in no uncertain
terms and at the end of their short date
Clifford had no qualms about the fact
that he was not getting a second date
when he got back to the office he
powered up his search engine to find out
what it is that he had done so wrong
during a date he enjoyed why didn't she
appreciate his company I mean I was only
a little distracted by her beauty he
said what he found surprised him and
that's the basis of today's video today
practical wisdom is going to let you in
on a few secrets on communication how do
you enthrall your date with great
conversation how does how you speak
affect how you're perceived in an
interview should you finish your
partner's sentences when you're meeting
your mutual friends clifford found that
the most important skill to have in
conversation is the ability to listen
active listening means that you're
following what the other person is
saying and understanding the message
they're putting across instead of
listening most of us simply wait for our
turn to speak the chance to express our
opinion burning at the edge of our
tongues but what if there's a chance
that what is being said could change
your mind
maintaining eye contact with whoever you
were speaking to also helps you follow
their thoughts this is because focusing
your eyes on
something directs your attention to it
and your minds faculties as well this is
not to say that you will not be
distracted like Clifford your attention
may be drawn to the endearing physical
features of your date that your eyes
drift away from her eyes you may also be
distracted by your thoughts as to how
you'll respond what words can you use to
formulate a winning comeback
if you find yourself losing your
conversation partner ask to be updated
or for them to clarify what they were
saying you can do this by asking a
question about where you got lost
for instance hold up you lost me for a
second there did you just say that nine
of the richest people in the world have
as much wealth as 50% of the world's
poorest people alternatively you can do
a paraphrase of their ideas in a
question like manner that is meant to
seek clarification and to show that you
were following most times when we talk
about bettering our listening skills
we're referring to your ability to
listen to whoever you're having a
conversation with but for you to know
that you're giving a response that you
believe to be true you must also be
listening to yourself as well
clifford was busy looking at the
responses on Julie's face and body
language that he often forgot what he
was saying at one point even stopped
mid-sentence and Julie had to help him
get his thinking back on track she on
the other hand has a system that she
uses to ensure that her mind stays on
the other person what she does is she
focuses her attention by maintaining eye
contact once she's confident that she is
understood what has been communicated
she takes three seconds to compile her
thoughts and then start speaking she
makes a point to listen to what she's
saying to the other person so that she
doesn't repeat herself unnecessarily and
so that her responses befits the
question asked or the opinion expressed
for her understanding what the other
person is saying also involves following
what their body is saying according to
research up to 80% of messages in
communication are sent through nonverbal
cues
these include eye contact facial
expressions gestures tone and pitch your
voice and physiological changes such as
sweating body language tells you what
the other person might not have
expressed using their words helping you
to form a sort of full picture for
instance your friend may be discussing
the effects of climate change on the
lives of human beings and their
livelihoods maybe they were doing this
to make a point about the current state
of the economy however as they speak you
notice the strong conviction in their
voice concerning the contribution of
human beings to the deteriorating
climate
this could be accompanied by wild
gestures that show his frustration what
you can read from this is that there is
a chance that your friend is passionate
about some of the issues surrounding
climate change one of you may be
thinking um interesting pointers but
I've done all of them but I'm still told
that my conversational skills are subpar
is this it not at all
you see these are meant to deal with
simply being in the conversation to
better your speaking in conversational
skills however requires a little more
the reason some of your conversations
may be dying is that you do not give
your partner a thread to hang on a
conversational thread is crumbling
questions and sentences with different
subject pathways for instance you may
ask a date about the kind of work she
does
I work in content marketing the Internet
has made it so much easier to customize
the kind of advertising that someone
runs into you kind of understand how big
data companies can manipulate customers
she says that is one littered statement
you could talk about content marketing
ask her about its nitty gritty you could
discuss how the Internet has
revolutionized marketing and other
industries you could talk about big data
companies ask her what they're all about
or you could talk about the latest
scandals in big data threading ensures
that we never run out of things to talk
about theoretically you could run a
conversation forever by doing this for
instance you could attribute your eight
hour conversation with a love interest
to fate and the stars aligning in your
favor but it could be because both of
you are good at leaving a thread for the
other person filler words are almost as
bad as one word it answers they add no
value to what you're saying and they
don't reveal what you're thinking you
should be efficient when speaking by
saying only as much as it's necessary if
you lose track of what you were saying
don't fill the silence with filler words
such as you know or I don't know
instead take a moment recover the
specific information from your mind and
then start speaking and if none of these
seem to be working with your
conversation partner try humor in his
story do you have a funny story from
your childhood or your adventures as a
young adult bring that story on make
sure it's kind of embarrassing
self-deprecating humor is always
appreciated get into it use wild and
appropriate gestures maintain eye
contact and don't stretch it out just
give enough to keep the story
interesting if it doesn't work cut your
losses and go home however do not try
this if you've been told before and not
once but you have no funny bone in your
body
so in summary one the most important
skill to have in conversation is the
ability to listen to maintaining eye
contact with whoever you're speaking to
this helps you follow their thoughts 3
if you find yourself losing your
conversation partner ask to be updated
or for them to clarify what they were
saying or keep an eye on the other
person's body language because 80% of
messages in communication are sent
through nonverbal cues 5 give your
partner a thread to hang on
6 filler words are almost as bad as one
worded answers
7 try humor in a story 8 if none of the
above work cut your losses and go home
thank you so much for watching us today
we look forward to hearing from you in
the comments tell us what has worked for
you with regards to improving your
communication and conversational skills
thanks and I'll see you in the next one
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