Why I'm Not In A Relationship Anymore #Best Education Page #Online Earning

So as you guys may or may not have noticed,

I've been trying to do more sharing

and being more vulnerable and open with you guys.

Anybody who follows me over on Instagram,

I've been pretty vulnerable there.

I did karaoke for the first time the other day

and put a video up over on my Instagram.

So if you guys want to check that out and laugh at me,

that's exactly why I'm doing that.

So I decided I want to get vulnerable with you guys

in this video today.

So there's really no way to preface a video like this.

I've done about 500 videos total on my channel before.

Some of them I deleted

just because they weren't necessarily the highest quality.

Of every video I've ever made on YouTube,

this is the most difficult video

that I've ever had to put together.

And no I'm not simply taking advantage

of my relationship to click bait YouTube

or anything like that.

I think I have a very valuable lesson

that I want to share with you guys.

And I just want to give you guys

a full disclaimer right now.

If you are a subscriber of mine who watches my videos

to learn about the stock market and passive income,

and you don't really care about my personal life,

then don't watch this video.

This is not really the video for you.

But if you are somebody

who is maybe looking at the deeper meaning of life

and looking beyond chasing money and things, then I think

this is going to be a really valuable video for you,

as difficult as it for me to sit down and record this.

So as many of you know,

I was with my girlfriend for a year and a half.

And back in basi
cally the end of July,

I came to this conclusion

that I had to breakup with my girlfriend.

And I wanted to share with you guys

why I ultimately made this decision.

That's basically it, why I'm single.

And so, really this comes back

to a lot of stuff

that happened with me in, I guess,

my childhood and younger parts.

Not that anything really bad happened.

But everybody has these little things that happen to them

along their journey in life,

that chip away at something called worthiness.

Worthiness, and the feeling of being whole and complete,

and worthy human being.

And so, the long story short here,

and I'll tell the long story too,

but the short answer to this is that,

I was trying to,

my entire life I've been trying to find worthiness

and validation through external things.

And I'm going to go into more detail about this,

but essentially I came to this conclusion that

worthiness is not going to come from an external factor.

It's not going to come from a bank account.

It's not going to come from a car.

It's not going to come from anything,

other than my own opinion of myself.

All right.

That might make sense a little bit more here

as I go into more details here, okay.

So let me start back by circling back to,

this was about right after college, this was maybe 2016.

I got my white board here,

I actually want to draw something out.

I've actually had this conversation

with probably a dozen or so people

in the last couple of weeks,

and it seems like it's a very valuable message.

I hope you guys get value out of this too.

And I'm terrified to make this video.

I'm going to be completely honest with you guys right now.

But I just want to share this message with you guys

and I hope that it helps somebody out there.

So this is a relatively straight forward complex here.

The pillars of life.

Some people say there's four pillars,

I see five pillars in life.

There are five different areas in life

that you can be focused on at any give point in time.

And these are what ultimately, in my opinion,

bring you overall a good sense of fulfillment.

And these areas are your health, your wealth.

And we know what heath and wealth are.

Personal development is more of that, the mindset,

the business stuff, you know developing yourself,

think and grow rich, that type of stuff.

Spirituality and then relationships.

So essentially what it comes down to,

back in 2016, I had this deep feeling within

of not being a whole and complete person.

And to be honest with you,

I've never been a tremendously confident person

throughout my entire life.

And that really doesn't have much of anything

to do with my upbringing,

I just was not a confident person.

And so, I had this idea in my head that okay,

if I could become the fittest person in the world,

if I got into tremendous wonderful shape,

I will feel worthy of somebody's love.

I will feel worthy as a person.

I will feel like enough for somebody.

So 2016, basically this is how this works.

These are all like buckets or levels.

And you can be spread evenly across them

or you can be too much in one area

and not enough in another area.

So I want to draw out what my life looked like

at that point in time.

So this was essentially my life in 2016.

I went something like this,

I was working a nine to five job,

and I was working for the utility company,

I'm sure you guys have all heard this story,

and I was literally obsessed with fitness and working out.

I had this idea in my head,

that if I could get the six pack abs,

if I could get into tremendous shape physically,

it kinda made sense in my mind at the time.

If I look good physically, maybe I'll feel good physically.

So I literally went all in

on the health pillar of life.

And I had a little bit in the wealth category.

I mean I was still making good money at my job

and I was doing some investing.

Little bit of personal development mixed in there as well.

I was reading books, "Think And Grow Rich",

"Rich Dad, Poor Dad",

but I had neglected the areas of my life

of spirituality, as well as relationships.

I wasn't in a relationship,

I wasn't interested in relationships.

I solely felt that okay, if I could get into amazing shape,

I'm going to feel like

a really whole and complete individual.

Now, I did that.

I did get into really, really good shape.

And I'll put a picture up on the screen

so you guys can see that.

But I still felt like inside.

I'm going to be completely honest with you guys,

I still felt horrible inside.

Like I was unworthy of anything really.

I felt very unworthy and I had this idea in my head,

okay if I'm the fittest guy in the gym,

if I have six pack abs and I've got a big bicep,

I will have to feel confident.

I will have to feel worthy of things in life.

And I didn't.

So I said, okay that's not the answer.

And essentially, I rearranged my buckets.

And I'll show you guys what that looks like now.

So this was basically what I've rearranged

these buckets to look like.

After I went all in into the health side of things

and tried to become the most fit person

that I could physically,

and I realized that I still felt pretty unworthy deep down.

I arranged my buckets essentially in this manner.

I was still focused a good amount on health,

just because it's very important.

If you don't have your health, this other stuff,

health has to come first in my opinion.

Your own physical health.

So it's always important to be in this health bucket.

I then said, okay maybe being the fittest person the world

isn't going to make me feel worthy, whole, and complete,

but you know what will, being the richest person,

or the richest person in my family,

or the wealthiest person among my friends.

There's my goal.

So I basically dumped all that from the health category,

took about half through it in the wealth category,

chipped down on personal development,

and I left a couple of drops

in the bucket here for relationships.

And then again, my spirituality bucket,

I always said nah man, that's not the ticket.

There's no way spirituality has any affect

on your happiness in life.

A little foreshadowing, that is the bucket

that most people are missing in their life.

And that is why most people feel bad about themselves.

So essentially, that is what my life has looked like

for the last two years.

And it's involved basically two relationships.

I was in one relationship for nine months with somebody.

And then literally after I broke up with that person,

I was in another relationship, literally within seven days.

And then that relationship was a year and a half.

And so I've been in relationships with people

for the last two and a half years or so,

with this exact setup of my life here

in terms of what my focus is on.

And the moral of the story here if you couldn't notice,

wealth and health are not going to bring you fulfillment

and happiness in life.

And buying your dream car, and having money in the bank,

I mean it's great, it's helpful.

It's helpful in a way because having the money

allows you to buy back your time.

And then you can spend time figuring out

how to be a happy and worthy human being.

But money, in and of itself, is not the answer.

And so what had happened in,

not so much in this first relationship,

that was more of a casual relationship,

but my relationship with.

We lived together, and we lived together for a year.

I was emotionally unavailable to her

for the entire relationship.

And I'm not sitting here blaming myself entirely,

I'm not blaming her entirely by any means.

We each had our own faults in the relationship.

But I was truly emotionally unavailable to her,

and I mean, this is what I was working with here.

This very small amount of energy

that I was giving this category of relationships.

I came to this conclusion

after accumulating a good amount of wealth for myself,

after buying my dream car,

after buying the house of my dreams.

I had all these things in that wealth category

that I thought were going to bring me,

again, this feeling I was chasing of being worthy,

whole and complete.

And guess what?

I didn't find it there.

And so then (laughs).

So then it's like where do I go from here?

Where do I go from here,

when I've basically been duped twice in a row?

Thinking, getting this physically fit body

is going to make me feel whole, and complete, and worthy.

And then having the car, the money, the house

is going to make me feel whole, and worthy, and complete.

And I'm very thankful to have been though this.

I wouldn't change anything about this.

And I'm glad I'm in a position now,

where I can actually figure this stuff out myself.

Because I have the money to buy back my time.

And I can travel and stuff.

But what it comes down to is,

as much as I wanted to change and to be a better person for,

this right here,

if we take this and draw a circle around this

and we label this C-Z.

This becomes a comfort zone for you, okay.

And it's very difficult to break out of this comfort zone

without a major change in your life.

And so as much as I wanted to change

and not neglect my girlfriend and you know,

as much as I wanted to, I couldn't do it.

And what I'll tell you is the one thing feeling

than chasing wealth

and then feeling unfulfilled,

is when you know you're also hurting somebody

in the process.

So long story short here.

I basically made the decision

that I would rather not hurt somebody else in this process

and then actually be able to fix this,

then to be continuing this cycle

in my comfort zone of chasing money,

and having nothing in my spirituality bucket.

And it wasn't just the relationship with that was suffering.

Within this year,

my grandfather has had two different surgeries.

He had colon cancer and he also had a pacemaker put in.

And I'm sitting there realizing that I haven't seen him

in six months and we live 10 miles from each other.

And I would see him two or three times a year.

And I was just overall feeling very unfulfilled

in these other categories.

And I realized I need to change everything.

And as much as I wish that I could have changed this,

a comfort zone is a very, very difficult thing

to break out of.

And I tried.

I went to therapy with, and I read books,

and I did everything that I felt that I could

in that relationship to try to change

and to focus more on her,

and to not neglect her in this relationship.

But she had immense capability to love

and the other thing, is she was almost loyal to a fault.

Where she knew that she wasn't getting the love from me

in this relationship.

Or the attention from me, but she stayed with it

because she saw it within me.

And she saw how much energy

I could devote to this category of wealth.

And I think she was hoping that eventually I would wake up,

and realize that that's not everything in life.

But unfortunately, in most cases,

what I've found in my own life

change doesn't really come from a good place.

Change comes from a very dark place.

So now, if I draw my buckets for you guys.

I'll draw my buckets and I feel much better overall

with these buckets as far as the pillars of my life.

So right now I'm leaning very heavily

into the spirituality category,

because that's literally something I've never ever done

in my entire life.

I've never considered that spirituality

would actually have any difference on my feelings.

And then I'm more or less evenly spread between

relationships with friends and family,

my personal development, wealth, and health.

And so it's not so much about, you know the grind

and putting all of your effort into one of these verticals.

That's the secret to,

that's the reason that most people are unhappy.

They go all into one of these pillars of life.

They become obsessed with health

and having the most physically fit body.

Or they become obsessed with chasing wealth

and they destroy their body in the process,

neglect people that they love.

Or they go all into, the personal development and wealth

kinda go together.

Or they go all into relationships.

And they're simply just trying to find somebody

to complete them.

And they're going all in, looking for this relationship

not doing any personal, spiritual, health, development.

And so, what I have found to be true here

is that the way to truly find happiness in my opinion,

and to begin feeling worthy is to have even buckets here.

And I am very much leaning into the spiritual category

right now just because that's an area

I've totally neglected and I've been spending a lot of time.

Every single day, meditating, reflecting, reading,

and beginning to dig deeper and understanding where

these feelings of the lack of worthiness actually come from.

And it's been dark.

It has been dark these last couple of weeks.

I've had some highs and I've had some lows.

I've had lows where I've literally found myself

crying for hours on end.

And I know, men are not supposed to cry or whatever,

but that's all bull anyway.

I've had highs and I've had lows in this experience

in the last couple weeks.

I will continue to have highs and lows,

but rather than seeking external validation

from a relationship or from money,

or from having the most fit body,

I've decided to really look a lot deeper in myself

and understand where do these feelings of unworthiness

actually come from.

And essentially, yeah what it came down to

the reason I'm single is because I'd rather be lonely

and alone but feel okay inside.

I would rather feel better, than to know that

I'm not happy with chasing money

and I'm dragging someone down with me,

and I'm roping somebody into this equation.

And continuing to neglect this relationship

with this beautiful human being.

And I would rather not.

I would rather actually figure my out

and become a whole and complete individual

before I begin to revisit that idea of a relationship

with another human being in that type of way.

Family relationships, friendships,

I'm focusing a lot more on that,

but in terms of a real relationship with somebody

I will not be returning to that until I am truly

a whole and complete and worthy feeling individual.

And worthiness has nothing to do

with any of these other categories.

Spirituality, that leads you to understanding worthiness.

And there are so many people out there pushing that

money, that the perfect body, and all this,

and the perfect relationship

is gonna make you feel worthy in life.

And I will tell you that is bull.

And it's not true.

And true worthiness will come from, in my opinion,

evenly, a well-rounded life.

And maybe even leaning more so into spirituality.

But anyways guys, let me know what you guys think

in the comments section below.

I have no idea how this video is going to go over.

I'm terrified to upload it,

but whatever I will see what you guys think.

I'll try my best to answer some comments here.

And if you guys are struggling right now,

with any of these buckets or whatever,

talk to people, reach out to people.

And maybe leave a comment.

I'll answer as many comments as I can.

But like it's also, it's okay to not be okay sometimes.

It's okay to lean into that darkness a little bit

and it will really show you a lot of stuff.

Maybe you didn't want to dig this stuff up out of your past.

But digging up these bones, and looking at these skeletons

in your closet, really does start to paint the picture

of where that lack of worthiness comes from.

So I would encourage you guys, when you're ready for this,

to begin to go down that road of exploration.

But thank you guys for watching this video.

Drop me a comment down below

and I will do my best to answer all of them.

I really have nothing else to add at this point.

This is very awkward for me, getting out of my comfort zone.

I certainly hope this goes over well.

But thank you guys.

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