everyone this is Stefan James from
Project life mastery to day I'm going to
share with you 10 decisions that I made
in my life that changed my life forever
see I believe it's our decisions that
shape our lives that the life you live
today is the result of specific key
decisions that you made at some point in
your life that led you down this path
and allow you to create the life that
you live today and I don't just believe
that we're victims of our circumstances
society our environment what other
people say and do I think that the
outside world can influence our lives
and influence the decisions that we make
but at the end of the day we all have
this incredible power and that's the
power to make a decision in this moment
you can use this power you can make a
new decision a new choice that can
change your life for the better and
sometimes when you make a new decision
in your life you don't see the impact of
that right then and there sometimes it's
not for a few weeks or months or even
years will you really look back at that
pivotal point in your life where you
made that decision and it changed your
life in so many ways I'm sure you can
look back at your life and see maybe it
was a few years ago 5 or 10 years ago
where you made a decision that has
created the life that you have today
maybe 5 or 10 years ago you made the
decision to start your own business and
to quit your job and that was a scary
and hard decision to make it required
faith and taking a risk and stepping
into the unknown but now today as a
result of that you're your own boss and
you have your own business and maybe you
have financial security and independence
because of that decision or maybe it was
to go to university and that led you
down the path where now today you've got
your dream job and you're doing everyday
what you love or maybe a few years ago
you made a decision to go to a certain
environment to a party or a bar or to
make a certain move to go up and
approach a stranger to talk to them and
introduce yourself and you met a special
person and now today that special person
is your boyfriend girlfriend or husband
and wife or maybe today you have a
beautiful family as a result of that
maybe you made a decision to quit your
job and because of that decision that
led you to what you're doing now today
or maybe you
the decision to move you know or to
change your body to go on a diet I don't
know what it might be but I'm sure if
you look back at your life there's been
key decisions that have created the life
you have and it also works in the same
way that if you have a life today that
you're not proud of you're not
passionate about you know you don't love
the home that you live in you don't love
looking to see how much money you've got
in the bank or you've got a job that
doesn't fulfill you or maybe you're in a
relationship that's not the best
relationship for you or you've got some
people in your life that not really
supporting you there might be toxic well
because you made a decision a choice at
some stage in your life that has
resulted in this reality do you have
today
and I want to remind you though that you
have the power to change that then in
any moment you could end your
relationship and make a decision even
though it's scary it's hard I get that
it's not easy but it's in those moments
of decision that can change your entire
life and when you make a decision it
leads you in a new direction and that
direction leads you to a new destination
or your destiny so for me when I look at
my life
there's been key decisions that I've
made and I thought it'd be fun today to
share some of them with you to maybe
inspire you and show you what one
decision can make some of them small
decisions that I made in my life how
will that over time has transformed my
life and maybe it can inspire you to
make some new choices here by the time
you're done watching this video and to
set up your life the way you want
because I truly believe that we have
that power to create whatever kind of
life that we want for ourselves right
now we're in the process of creating our
future and it's what we do right now
today the decisions that we make that's
going to determine whether or not that
future five or ten years from now is an
amazing one filled with more joy and
fulfillment and success and abundance or
we can make the choices today or even
not deciding is also a choice right by
just choosing to settle in your life or
not take action or not do the things you
know you should do is also a choice that
you make but can very often lead to five
or ten years from now a life that we're
not proud of and the life that we're not
fulfilled by and the life that you know
might continue to be
the financial distress and challenges
that we can avoid I believe or do the
best that we can right now being
proactive and taking life by the horns
you know and really making those
decisions that we need to make so let me
share some of them with you
this is in no particular order it's
really hard to prioritize them so I'm
not gonna do that these are all
significant decisions I made in each
part of my life some of them you might
know and a lot of them you might not
know at all about me which I thought
would be very interesting to share one
of the first and most important
decisions I ever made in my life was the
decision to commit my life to
self-development self-development see I
got into South development when I was 17
years old before then I dealt with a lot
of depression a lot of anxiety and I was
incredibly shy I had a lot of challenges
in my life and if I didn't discover self
development who knows where my life
would be today I was going down a very
dark path and I'm not even sure if I
would be here and from a grace of God I
discovered self development I discovered
teachers of other people that were
inspirational and successful and they
gave me hope they gave this new belief
in my mind as soon as I discovered this
world of self development it gave me the
belief that anything is possible in life
that the only limits are the limits of
the mind now whatever I wanted in my
life I could create it that I could be
do have and experience and give anything
that I set my mind to that has 17 18
years old that if I wanted to be a
multi-millionaire I could that if I
wanted to build a successful business I
could do that that if I wanted to
attract an amazing relationship and find
the woman of my dreams and having a
beautiful amazing family that I could
achieve that that if I wanted to change
my body that I wanted to travel the
world no matter what it was self
development gave me the belief that I
could create anything I want my life and
that changed everything for me and what
gave me that belief was that there's
countless other examples of people that
have achieved their goals and their
dreams and achieved what I want and if
they could do it then I can too all I
got to do is learn from them model them
elicit their strategies their beliefs
their blue
and if I do what similar do what they
did in a similar way then I can get a
similar result so once I discover that
everything changed I discovered teachers
the old school teachers like Brian Tracy
and Jim Rohn and Wayne Dyer and Tony
Robbins and many many more that open my
mind up to these unlimited possibilities
in my life and then also what CELTA
moment did is it made me realize that no
matter what problem I have in my life
and there's problems that are yet to
occur in my life no matter what problem
it is I don't need to be worried or
concerned I don't need to be fearful of
my problems because whatever problem I
have there's a solution to it it's
solvable and I know this because every
problem that's ever existed there's been
millions of other people around the
world and throughout history I've also
had that exact same problem and they
were able to solve it not everybody does
but there are people that have and as
long as there are people that have
solved it then I can solve it too what
one man or woman can do another man or
woman can do I just got to read their
books I can find courses today today
it's a lot easier to solve your problems
than before because there's easier
access to information mentors coaches
courses books resources seminars there's
so much available that I could tap into
no matter what I'm going through in my
life so self development changed my life
in so many ways I've always believed
that self development is one of the most
important qualities to have in your life
because it forces you to have an open
mind if you're into self-development you
have an open mind you're open to new
ideas you're open to trying new things
you don't have a closed mind and one of
the most challenging things to have in a
relationship for example is one person
that has an open mind and the other
person has a closed mind because when
you have someone in relationship that's
closed off to wanting to change to
wanting to improve to wanting to get
better or try something new then it's
very difficult for anything to get
better in life part of what self
development does is it humbles you to
make you realize that you don't know
what you don't know that there are so
many levels of development in your life
that you have yet to experience and you
have to humble yourself to to be a
student
and to learn from other people and even
look at yourself in self-critical ways
and to be aware of where'd you're not
showing up and why you don't have what
you want and why you're not successful
yet and why you know why is it that I'm
lazy unite struggle being consistent you
know or why is it that I have this
pattern in my life or why is it that I
reacted in this way and got angry and
upset and disappointed and frustrated or
why did I judge that person or why do I
feel jealousy self development makes you
ponder and explore that to have
awareness of that to look at yourself
and to look for solutions for that so
that you're always making progress
in growing and improving in your life so
it's helped my relationship I've always
believed that if you got two people in a
relationship that are both open-minded
and willing to improve themselves you
can have an amazing relationship because
it will always get better and for me
because of self development every part
of my life has always gotten better and
better and better and better and will
continue to get better for the rest of
my life based on this one decision of
committing my life to self development
and obsessing over it and reading books
and learning as much as I possibly can
and not just for success not just for
money I'm talking about self development
of your mindset of your habits your
emotions your patterns your relationship
your health your spirituality every part
of your life and that's what I look at
as self development is the life mastery
blueprint of what I teach and what I'm
about is improving each area of your
life the second decision I made if not
the most important one was committing my
life to Christ see I would say recommit
II my life to Christ because when I was
born I grew up as a Christian Greek
Orthodox I was baptized when I was a
baby my family wasn't super religious we
went to church once or twice a year
Easter on Christmas but it wasn't until
more of my adult years and part of my
self development journey and path that I
started to explore my spiritual
development and that led me to studying
New Age spirituality led me to studying
all the different religions Christianity
Islam Islam Buddhism Taoism as much as I
could and what I recognized was that
there is a there is a limitation in self
development that limitation was I was
trying to fix and solve things in my
life through my mind and there's limits
of the mind and when I eventually
realized that there are some problems
and aspects of my life that can only be
solved with a higher power with
something beyond myself that I need
divine intervention to help and support
me in my life that's when everything
shifted for me because I was getting so
caught up in my head with all these
strategies without realizing there's
something more powerful that was missing
in my life and I think a lot of people
including myself we try to fill a void
within ourselves through material
through form through money success Fame
significance all these other things that
can't be filled because it's a spiritual
void and it's not until you surrender
and allow a higher power I call that God
to come into your life that it fills
that it's the only solution to it that
I've been able to find and for me being
a Christian and surrendering to Jesus
did Jesus Christ as my savior has
changed everything for me because it's
made me a better person it's made me a
more giving person a more generous
person
it's made me more loving more
compassionate more forgiving more
patient it's just changed my life in so
many credible ways and made me a better
person a better version of myself that
would not exist if it wasn't for my my
Christianity my faith and it's added a
new level of richness and meaning to my
life that no matter what I'm going
through my life you know when you know
that you've got this higher power you've
got God that loves you unconditionally
and is gonna forgive you no matter what
for your sins and and has created
everything including everything in your
life and then even the challenges and
difficulties in your life or a gift for
him to allow you to grow and to step
into your potential in life when you
have that faith in that belief
it changes the way you live your life
and it enriches everything and it
provides a new meaning and purpose that
no matter what you're going through
there's a purpose and a meaning from is
help me get through the most difficult
times in my life and it's something that
has made me very humble in my life to
realize that everything in my life is
because of God that my success
everything all the glory goes to this
higher power and it's created this
humility within myself that has also
changed my life in so many beautiful
ways and so for me that's something that
has shifted my life getting baptized in
the Jordan River where Jesus was
baptized by John the Baptist was pretty
incredible as well so my development
there has changed my life a lot
[Music]
the third decision I made and again not
in any particular order this is a big
one though was learning how to meet and
attract women the opposite sex improving
my social skills my confidence in my
relationships with women so the first
book that I read on self-development was
called double your dating by David
DeAngelo I read this book when I was 17
years old I got the e-book PDF of this
book and I printed it out read it seven
times and it changed my life in so many
ways at that stage of my life I didn't
care about success or money or anything
like that the biggest pain point that I
had when I was 17 was I was shy and I
wanted a girlfriend and I wanted to have
friends in my life I didn't care about
money or anything like that that wasn't
that didn't come to later in my life and
so when I was 17 years old I wanted to
solve this and I was very much behind
socially because I went to three
different high schools and I was always
the outsider and I got addicted to video
games and so I would escape reality and
just play video games and that made me
very antisocial because I missed out on
my social development as a kid where
other kids are going to parties and
interacting and hanging out after school
I just went home and played video games
I remember even I would spend my lunch
times in a lot of cases going to the
library or going to the computer lab to
put the play on the computer and be
alone because I was very uncomfortable
and awkward I didn't know how to
interact with other people and I got
bullied as a result of that too so I
felt a lot of pain and embarrassment
interacting and socializing so for me
when I committed myself to learning how
to improve my social skills my
confidence and meeting women everything
changed in my life and I had got
obsessed over that when as a teen years
old I met a group of men in Vancouver
Canada on Granville Street which is the
nightclub district of Vancouver at the
McDonald's during the daytime I met
these random guys on the message board
that were part of this community of
other men improving themselves as like a
mastermind and it changed my life coz
that day they became my mentors and my
role models and they're all older than I
was and I saw that day these guys that
would just go to the the mall they'd go
to a clothing store they'd go to a
coffee shop they'd walk
on the street and to see a woman or a
group of women and they wouldn't even
hesitate they'll just go up and start a
conversation and they'd be confident and
charismatic and the women would respond
back to them and a lot of cases that end
up getting a woman's phone number and
when I saw that it shifted my paradigm I
had a paradigm shift I was like how is
that even possible you only see that in
the movie and I realized that I need to
learn to do that
and I committed my life to that I went
out four days a week I approached
thousands of women I improved my
confidence my social skills my
communication skills a lot of how I am
today and how I communicate is because
of those days I overcame my fear to
approach women I overcame my fear of
rejection and became desensitized to
that and this unreactive to not be
affected by what someone would say you
know if they rejected me if they made
fun of me if they whatever I just be
very unreactive and live in my own
reality which I could cultivate it at
that time I learned how to speak on my
feet you know which is part of what I do
today I get to speak on my feet be witty
and and improvise and talk about
whatever and ultimately what it taught
me and it allowed me to be a more
attractive version of myself it made me
realize that this is that there are
certain characteristics and traits and
ways of being that biologically the
opposite sex is attracted to because we
all grew up in tribes and we all
biologically our purpose in life is to
procreate so that our genes we can
procreate with someone else that has
strong and good genes so that we can
ensure that our off our offspring and
our kids survive for many generations
and evolution continues and so women
typically biologically are more
attracted to men who are leaders and are
more confident and have strong genes and
they want to procreate with them because
it can ensure the survival of their
genes and the same way men are going to
be more attracted to certain women that
have great genes so that they can ensure
the survival as well but I learned that
I can improve who I was my confidence
are certain things that women respond to
someone that is comfortable with them
selves someone that does have an
abundance mentality that's not needy and
attached to things all the time someone
that is confident in charismatic and it
has purpose in their life and as
direction and is taking risks and going
for it all those things I can cultivate
in myself and become more attractive
which would allow women to be more
naturally attracted to me
and at first that's learning the
techniques and the pickup lines and then
I realized I just got to improve myself
and my life and then I'll attract the
right person to me
it also helped me get clarity on the
kind of woman that I wanted to attract
in my life sometimes you don't know what
you want until you date a variety of
different people and you see from your
dating process oh I like this I like I
don't like that and you can refine who
your ideal partner is and you'll learn
about yourself in the same way every
relationship that I had every person I
met I learned more about myself and that
was valuable to me too and it ultimately
allowed me to attract the most important
person in my life which is Tatiana
Tatiana has been the greatest blessing
and the greatest reward of my life and
if it wasn't for the development that I
did and the focus I put in this aspect
of my life I wouldn't have attracted
someone like that in my life
and vice-versa she was able to attract
the man of her dreams and I wouldn't
have become that man if I didn't go
through the journey that I went through
so I'm grateful for my focus in this
area in my life I think what it's also
done is as I've had success because I
had success in this area in my life and
started my self-development with
relationships I've always I've never
gone too deep and just into success
where I've lost what is available myself
development of my relationship my
spirituality and other aspects of my
life because I've always known and
believed that there's more available
there I think a lot of people they get
into success they just pursue success
and their self development support
success and I've always realized that
success has limitations to it that
there's more if I put more focus and
said to my relationship there's
different levels there that I can
develop an experience that I think a lot
of people don't even know and recognize
because success and money is more
measurable it's hard to measure how
great your relationship is and can be
so because I started my self-development
journey with my relationship and my
confidence I've always gone back to that
and I've never just let success rule my
life and take that over which I've
always been grateful for okay the fourth
decision was starting my own business I
started my own business when I was 21
years old it was actually a coaching
business helping other men solve the
problems that I had it's called
lifestyle transformations but I knew at
a young age that me working for someone
else was not in my cards that I just I
never wanted to work for someone else I
wanted to always be my own boss
I hated school I hated being told what
to do I hated being given an assignment
I just I always wanted to do my own
thing and be independent in that way and
make my own decisions I had jobs before
that and I hated those jobs I never
enjoyed working for someone else so I
knew that I wanted to be an entrepreneur
and when I was 21 I pursued that in that
decision to just go for I didn't have an
education in business I didn't know what
I was doing I just learned as I went I
learned what I needed to know I think
sometimes people they go to school this
is school they know way more than I do
about business but I just needed to
learn what I needed to know at that
stage of my business development you
know and I just would learn from courses
and books and seminars and coaches and
other people and learn that way and go
through that journey and so for me
starting a business and then eventually
my online business and going into
internet marketing changed everything
for me because it provided the lifestyle
that I live today it gave me confidence
where I never again have to worry about
money even if there even if I lost it
all I wouldn't be that worried because I
know I could always make it back I know
that the skills and the qualities I
cultivated as being an entrepreneur that
never goes away you can lose money but
you can't lose who you are and I learn
and grew and develop myself so many ways
and part of it too I learned eventually
that money and focusing on making more
money in my life would actually help me
progress all the other aspects of my
life that by having money that I could
have more time in my life okay because
by having
and having financial success I can hire
someone to clean my house to cook my
meals to take care of my kids to you
know have an assistant that does my
errands for me and the things I don't
want to do and I could buy back 40 hours
a week or many hours that normally an
average person would spend doing that
stuff I can have the time now to spend
on my relationship on my health on my
spirituality with my family and with my
kids I can cultivate and grow those
areas so much more than if I was trading
my time for money and had limited
resources I also realized that money
would help me improve my health that by
having money I can invest in the best
trainers the best coaches the best
supplements the best biohacking
equipment by having money could actually
enhance my relationship because by
having money you know a lot of marriages
that end in divorce they argue around
money my parents went to a divorce they
went to a bankruptcy it is because of
money so it would help my marriage and
my relationship but also it could you
know allow us to hire a nanny or someone
to take care of kids so that we can
spend more time on ourselves in our
relationship that we could you know high
relationship coaches there's so much to
explore and do there that money could
provide for that so when I realized that
money would actually enhance my self
development I realized that I needed to
figure that out and master that and an
online business allowed me to do that
which changed my life in so many ways
allowed me to travel the world and just
do it just allowed me to amplify
everything else in my life in more ways
that I never could have if I didn't have
an online business
okay the next and fifth decision that I
made was volunteering volunteering
changed my life it changed my life
because it got me out of myself and
taught me how to be selfless a more
generous more giving to live more in
abundance now I started kind of giving
when I was in my early 20s because I
realized that I had a scarcity mentality
I was always afraid of losing money not
having enough money and I didn't have
much money at that stage of my life but
I realized that a scarcity mentality was
limiting me from having more money that
my hands were closed and I was closing
myself off and I needed to open them and
be okay with
leasing money and spending money and
investing money and knowing that with my
hands open it'll flow back to and I can
receive more in my life
and so one thing that I did was I
realized it's not how much money you
give it's the habit the habit is more
important than the amount so I started
when I was young just giving 10 cents 25
cents to a homeless person every day
training my mind to be a giver and then
eventually more in my mid-20s I ended up
going on volunteer trips and I got
really passionate about building schools
and houses and so what really changed my
life was more the decision going to the
countries and actually volunteering in
that country and build a house or school
for a family so the first volunteer trip
that I did was to El Salvador as with
this organization called techo and then
another one called journey is what
they're called today used to be called
change heroes and we went there and we'd
build a house for a family and we'd
build a whole community for them and
volunteers all of that would come in and
do this and be three thousand dollars to
build a house that changed my life
especially when you give the house to
the family it was the most emotional
powerful moment of my life or one of
them and it just brought so much joy to
my life in so many ways I did it again
in Nicaragua I did it again in Kenya and
Ethiopia building schools there and I've
done it you know I haven't gone to these
countries yet to volunteer but I've
built schools in India Ecuador and other
places as well over ten schools now ten
houses been really proud of that and
it's really changed my life because it
just taught me it brought so much more
meaning and joy to my life
it taught me as Tony Robbins says that
the secret to living is giving and that
when you give it does give something
back to you and one one thing that it's
done for me is I used to beat myself up
a lot or be affected by weather people
say if they judge criticize me on
YouTube for example never now not
anymore not anymore because really what
it's done is this really boosted my
self-esteem and my confidence and my
security myself so I never get hard on
myself I never beat myself up and say
Stefano you didn't do this today or you
didn't do that I know how much I've done
in the world and how much good that I
feel that I've brought to the world and
what I've given I know that every day in
Ethiopia Kenya El Salvador Nicaragua
that these families because I built a
house for them and a school for them
they thank me they pray for me they
bless me they don't know me as a
youtuber and as you guys do but they
just love me cuz some random person from
Canada came to their country and loved
and cared about them to give to them and
to know that I'm loved in that way they
pray and love me every single day of my
life has brought so much joy to my life
and so much security that I can do no
wrong in hell someone makes fun of me or
judges me or criticize me on YouTube
that doesn't matter to me because I know
I know what I've done and what really
matters to the end of the day is when
you look yourself in the mirror you know
the truth you got to live with the
shadow that follows you and I know I
know the quality of person that I am and
and I never am hard on myself or down on
myself because of that so it's really
done wonders for my self-esteem and
confidence okay number six decision was
quitting pornography and masturbation
quitting porn and masturbation so when I
was younger I may not even remember when
I was first exposed to pornography but
I'd say around 13 years old was one of
the first times you know going through
puberty and my hormones changing and
getting exposed to pornographic material
and masturbation and throughout high
school and especially in the world of
the Internet growing up with it I think
a generation of people who grew up in
the internet way more easy access to
pornography than our parents or
grandparents did but when I first got
into it I didn't know what it was I
didn't know the effects of it the
consequences of it I used it as a way
with benefit with ways to relieve stress
and anxiety to help me sleep at night to
relieve tension that I had and I thought
there was some benefit behind it but
once I once I started to have awareness
of it and that's because of self
development by the way because I had an
open mind I soared to explore this more
one I realized this was an addiction but
I couldn't stop that if I tried to go a
week or more or thought pornography or
masturbation it was really really hard
to do that
it became a crutch in my life and then
what I realized I read books like your
brain on porn and there's communities
now nofap community that educate other
men and women as well the affects of
this but I started to relate to a lot of
the symptoms that I had
I remember at times when I was single I
struggled with performance issues with
erectile dysfunction and I couldn't
understand why I remember times and
early on being in relationships and I
couldn't commit to one person you know I
just wanted to jump to the next person
the next person because I was always
looking for the variety and and when I
was with someone I'd lose attraction for
them over time because I was
conditioning my brain to be attracted to
a scream and be aroused by a variety of
women and situations and fantasies on a
screen that did not exist in reality and
so here I'd be with a woman in reality
and I couldn't be intimate I couldn't
connect
I had to fantasize off in the future to
be aroused because I couldn't be aroused
and turned on and stimulated by the
reality of the moment and then what
happened was I realized how I'd end up
having these days where I'd be tired and
struggle with my energy and then I just
feeling anxiety and depression and just
lack any motivation and like any drive
in my life I felt lazy and it always
procrastinate and I just felt numb you
know like I just was so hard to feel
just happiness and joy and you know I
just feel excited about my life and
gratitude and I realized later on
through studying the brain and
neurotransmitters that I was over
stimulating my dopamine levels to such
high extremes through masturbation
orgasm and pornography that I was
crashing with dopamine and when your
dopamine is low you feel all these
negative symptoms and you're looking for
more things to bring yourself back up
so you're you turn to porn or to junk
food or to whatever it is to bring it
back up and it just caused so many
issues in life that I went down the
rabbit hole and I was like man I got to
eliminate this in my life and reset and
detox my brain from this and that
changed my life in so many ways has
changed my relationships change my
mental and I'm a mo
I'll state my happiness my business my
success one of the most important
decisions I ever made in my life so for
men and women if you want to go down
that rabbit hole
I implore you to do so and to look it up
and do research and go down your own
journey with that
okay the next important decision that I
made was committing my life to starting
mourning rituals and having a ritual
that I do every day of my life I've been
doing mourning rituals for over 16 years
when I first discovered it when I was 17
years old Tony Robbins shared his hour
of power and that started me down that
path and morning rituals has changed my
life because I've been able to condition
myself through what I do every day what
you do every day is what you become and
for me I'd spend my mornings per tossing
myself and building a powerful
relationship with me at giving myself
love every day as an act of self-love
and building myself up and when I put
myself the best version of myself the
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