hey everyone this is Stefan James from
project life mastery and today I'm going
to share with you how you can become a
with you a lot of tips and strategies
that can help you feel more confident
more comfortable and to better
communicate yourself whether that's in
front of a large group of people a large
audience or a small group or maybe it's
in front of a camera as I am right now
or maybe you have some sort of message
something important to you that you want
to share the world that you want to
express or communicate or articulate
that you know can influence other
people's lives for the better and make
it impacting people's lives which I
believe is what speaking is really about
or maybe you want to improve your social
skills you want to feel more comfortable
and confident speaking in front of
friends or meeting new people or maybe
you're single you want to better attract
the opposite sex and be more confident
and comfortable and your ability to
communicate can help you do that listen
whatever your goal is I'm going to share
a lot of strategy here for you that can
help you first thing I want to mention
is I used to struggle in this area in my
life I used to be a horrible speaker
back when I was in high school I was
incredibly shy and introvert I went to
three different high schools and had a
hard time making friends I used to
isolate myself and play video games all
day in fact I used to skip a lot of
school to do that and I remember for
example when I'd be in class and I'd
have to give a presentation in front of
the class for a project I'd much rather
skip I'd skip and take the zero then
actually show up and do it that's how
terrified I was when the teacher would
pick me out in front of the class to ask
me a question in front of everyone my
face would turn bright red my palms
would sweat I'd shake sometimes I try to
anticipate it so I can excuse myself to
go to the bathroom and avoid it avoid
the humiliation that I felt and because
I went through so much pain because I
struggle so much guys I believe that was
a gift because that created the
motivation the drive for me to change
that that I would not be the speaker of
Who I am today if I did not go through
the hard struggles that I went through I
wouldn't have that same motivation to
develop myself as I have and now today
I'm a professional speaker I've got a
youtube channel here and I speak at
events I've spoken at events of
mm people spoken to small groups of done
videos here over a thousand videos here
on YouTube and reached millions of
people from all over the world and you
know I feel I'm not the best speaker in
the world by any means but I made a lot
of progress and have improved myself a
lot and the first thing I want you to
know is that you can change this this is
a learn about skill that if you were
where I was or maybe worse off or maybe
maybe better than I was I want you to
know understand that you can change this
you can develop yourself you can develop
your confidence your comfort your
ability to communicate so it doesn't
have to be scary or hard it will take
practice so we'll take time it will take
commitment just like with anything else
in your life but a lot of what I share
with you here can definitely help you
with that now one thing I want to share
with you I think the most important
thing when it comes to speaking is I
always look at it that 80% of
communication is speaking is your why
and purpose for speaking and only 20% is
the how see most people they focus on
the 20% which is the how they over focus
on my opinion on what they're gonna say
they're worried about the words they're
trying to articulate everything
perfectly and try to be smooth if you'll
notice when I speak I'm not that smooth
I make a lot of mistakes I say I'm like
you know I stumble over my words at
times you know I'm not too worried about
that though because I believe that's
only the 20% the 80% on the other hand
is why it's the emotion that you
associate to what you're speaking about
and why it's important for you to
articulate and communicate it because I
don't really believe that a speech is
what changes someone's life I don't
believe I don't look at myself as a
speech maker or even a speaker I look at
myself as an influencer a persuader that
my job my role is to communicate with
you in a way to elicit certain emotions
and influence you to make new choices in
your life to take new actions because
that's the only way someone's life can
change that when I communicate I want
you to feel certain things and the only
way you can do that is it first starts
with the emotions that I feel that I can
transfer into you
one of my favorite quotes from Maya
Angelou is that people will seldom
remember what you said or what you did
but they'll never forget how you made
them feel
and I want to make sure that as you come
here and watch my videos that your life
is better off for it you're here giving
me your time and attention which I
appreciate and I want to make sure that
you're better off for being here that
you receive some form of value in your
life that you feel inspired motivated
uplifted maybe you feel new insights
that you have or new distinctions or new
breakthroughs a shift in mindset which
can change your life
or maybe sometimes I want you to feel
disturbed sometimes I want to challenge
you sometimes I want to challenge you to
not settle in your life or challenge a
limiting belief or to stir something up
within yourself that can be
uncomfortable in the moment but can lead
you to making a new breakthrough in your
life but either way I want you to feel
something I want to change your state
and how you feel so the first thing is
starting with the why the purpose behind
why you're speaking and to make first
and foremost what it is that you're
sharing so important within you that
when it's important within you you're
gonna be able to articulate it with ease
the words aren't going to matter that
much is the emotion how you say it it's
not what you say it's how you say it
that matters how you feel your
enthusiasm is contagious it's infectious
people feel it you know I could I could
write out a script and go word-for-word
in that script it's not going to have
that same power as it is by being
authentic and genuine and passionate and
the way that I am so the first thing
like I said is knowing your why you got
to make it important within you if what
I'm sharing I don't feel is important
then how can I make you feel that it's
important there'll be a lack of
congruent congruence there so first I
got to be congruent with what I'm saying
the topic of what I'm sharing with you
right now is easy for me because I know
the pain the struggle that I had as a
speaker I know what it what would it how
hard that was in my life to overcome
that
and I know how important this is how
much this has changed my life and I know
those people watching this that are
struggling suffering maybe as I was
maybe worse and so for me I know the
importance of this and that can help me
communicate and I hope you feel that as
I'm communicating with you here in this
video so the why is key ask yourself why
is what I'm sharing importance why must
I share this with the other person with
this audience why is it a must that I
communicate it why do they need to hear
what I have to say for me I make it so
important that I believe there's pain in
some cases if they don't hear it I
believe that a lot of people will
continue to suffer or struggle in their
lives if they don't receive what it is
that I have to share with them and that
gives me a sense of power and belief and
confidence and what I'm gonna share it
makes it important and communication is
just a transfer of that emotion I'm
transferring the emotions within me into
you and influencing you in that way so
asking yourself why the second thing I
do is I ask myself Who am I
communicating with who is the audience
who is the person on the other side of
this video who are the people that I'm
going to go and socialize with I want to
know who they are because when you're
speaking the the purpose of speaking
it's not about you see the big challenge
that people make when they speak is they
make it about them they are over worried
about how they look how they sound all
the words are trying to be a
perfectionist that's you being caught up
in you being self-absorbed when really
the purpose of speaking is to influence
the other person as I said so you got to
make it more about them and but when you
do that you're getting out of your head
because as long as you self obsess over
yourself
they're gonna be living too much up here
you're gonna overthink things every
thought that you have every word you're
gonna say oh that was the wrong word or
I gotta say the perfect words and has
perfect sequence and articulate myself
in an elegant way you're gonna over
worry and create someone's stress in
yourself by having that level of
perfection that you're gonna struggle
and so I try to avoid thinking up here
in my head I have an idea of what I'm
gonna share I don't have a script or
anything like that but I just know how
important it is and who I'm
communicating with and I make it about
the other person I make it about you
so who am i communicating with I'm maybe
communicating with someone that wants to
change their life someone that you know
is maybe struggling in this area as I
was and they're committed to changing
that I'm communicating with someone that
has maybe an open mind and I respect you
for that because I also ask myself why
do I respect this person and why do I
care about them because the more that I
can care about you and care about my
audience a stranger the more affected
that I can be and sharing with them and
helping and serving so who is this
person what do I respect about them and
I respect that they're here I respect
the fact that you're here right now
watching this video there's millions of
other videos you can watch on YouTube
but you're here I respect the fact that
you're committed that you have an open
mind you made it this far in this video
you know you haven't hit exit yet you
know you haven't moving on to another
video yet and I appreciate that I
appreciate the time and attention that
you give and I care about this person
because they're just like me
you know you might have been where I was
I you know we can connect and relate in
the same problems but also brothers and
sisters in this planet in this world and
we're all connected and you know I want
to help other people's lives and that's
my mission my purpose in my life and so
I care about everybody that you know I
want to share with and be able to help
and serve so for me already just by
asking myself those two questions before
I even start about what I'm gonna say
that setting things up before I speak I
want you to know a lot of things you
want to do before you actually go up on
stage before you speak in front of a
group before you turn on the camera
before you go and socialize these are
things you do in advance to prepare
yourself to make sure that you're at
your best
because if other people want to give
their time and attention to you do you
not think that they deserve you being at
your best you know you got to make sure
that you really appreciate the time that
people are giving you and for me I take
that seriously I take that as a big
responsibility and I want to make sure
that I over deliver that I give more
value than what anyone could have
expected that when someone clicks on a
video they have an idea of what they
might get I want to go above and beyond
and making sure that can really serve
this person more than what they want but
what they need on a much deeper level so
that's my goal and I think people
deserve that from you and that starts
with you being at your best so why is
this important why is this a must that I
share and communicate this who is this
person why do I care about them what do
I respect about them so those are
questions I do then also what I do is I
make sure that I put myself in a
resourceful State I want to make sure
that before I speak I'm at a on a scale
from one to ten level ten I want to make
sure that I'm at my best as I said so
things that I do to get out of my head
to get more present more in the moment
is I turn on some music and I'll turn on
some music I'll start singing I'll start
dancing I'll start doing silly things
really what you want to do is you want
to unstaple yourself most people they're
too stifled they're too much again in
their head they overthink things so for
me music dancing moving around doing
crazy things it gives me more presents
meditation can also be a way to do that
as well although I personally like to
warm myself up to move my body my voice
for example sometimes I over exaggerate
my movements so you know if I put on
music or sometimes I'll you know kind of
just kind of talk to myself out loud I
guess in my apartment or wherever I am I
was gonna walk around in circles and
talk out loud and when I talk I really
want to expand my range okay I want to
warm myself up so I'll warm up and speak
in ways of making huge gestures and be
really animated and big facial
expressions and you know powerful
intense moves and I'll bring down my
energy Tamar quiet and soft and gentle
and I'll bring it back up again to more
expressive and excited and passionate
and again all I'm trying to do before I
speak is to warm myself up and expand my
range okay that's it so another things I
do I do voice exercises which are great
my is you have a vocal coach by the name
of Roger love he's the best in the world
works with a lot of celebrities and
entertainers and he has a lot of great
yes she has a course that goes into how
to develop your voice and improve that
so I can link to that below for you guys
in the description but great course to
develop your voice a lot of vocal
exercises to warm yourself up but I do
whatever I need to do to
get myself at level 10 sometimes I've
got a little mini trampoline a rebounder
if you watch my older videos I'm gonna
seen that but I'll jump up and down on
that and that just kind of loosens
myself up and the buter is again ways to
unstaple myself to be more comfortable
more confident sometimes I'll go to the
gym or exercise I'll go for a run
because whenever you do that again
you're getting more presents so whatever
I need to do I put myself at level 10
and that will make a huge difference
when I turn on the camera when I speak
in front of an audience or whatever it
is it'll make a huge difference because
now all of a sudden what I'm gonna share
and communicate will just flow out of me
now here's a tip for those of you that
might be given a speech so most of the
time I said I have nothing prepared for
my videos or anything I just know the
topic and what I want to share turn it
on
share communicate from my heart try to
be as authentic as I possibly can't
actually think by being raw and
authentic it's more real people connect
and relate to that a lot more than
someone that's too perfect because
everybody knows that perfection doesn't
exist if I was too perfect
people will think we'll wonder what does
that really like you know or what are
they like behind the scenes or there's a
disconnect there so I try to make sure
that I avoid being perfect I just share
with passion and you know enthusiasm is
sometimes some intensity but if you are
gonna give a speech it can't
I don't memorize the words of a speech
like if I have to give a big speech in
front of 2,000 people things that can
help you as I might memorize the
beginning part because the beginning
part is the heart the beginning part of
a speech is when is when you're the most
uncomfortable so I might practice that a
bit more or rehearse the beginning part
of it otherwise I might kind of just
make a list of bullets and main points
that I want to share the only times I
say with videos that I do the most prep
for are ones when I have a list of
topics so for example if I do a video on
seven ways to change your life to
remember the seven ways I'll prepare
those in advance and just kind of write
jawed out you know one to seven and I
kind of have an idea of what I could
share on each one of those but that's
that's all I do so I think you want to
kind of have an idea about what you
might want to share on a certain subject
and kind of rehearse it but again don't
get too caught up
on the exact languaging and phrasing and
words that you're going to use that will
come through the state and the emotion
that you're in the passion that you have
and why it's important as long as you
meet your outcome which again is never
for you to look good but it's really to
make an impact and serve then the goal
is going to be accomplished from me I
was trying to make sure any video that I
create I always asked myself will one
person benefit from this if one person
does it was more than worth it more than
beneficial so your state is everything
guys put yourself in a peak state if you
need to practice the beginning part of a
speech make sure that you do that okay
because again that's gonna be the
hardest part once you get into it a bit
you're gonna get to a more of flow
you'll get more confident comfortable
things will flow out of you a lot easier
now the other thing is obviously
practice the more practice the more
repetition that you do the better that
you get I'd say for me you know the
level that I'm at now I I really don't
like I said like need to prepare that
much because I've done this so much I've
put in my 10,000 plus hours they say it
takes 10,000 hours to master something
or about 10 years and I've been doing
this for over 10 years now because even
before YouTube for several years before
that I was a speaker and a coach and so
when you do something a lot you get
great at it now for me I started my
journey less 18 years old and I think
one of the best things you can do is to
have an audience that you can practice
in front of that's supportive so if you
really want to develop this I'd
recommend joining Toastmasters
Toastmasters I joined that one as 18
years old there's a website called
Toastmasters org I'll maybe link to that
below for you guys but basically what it
is is they have groups all over the
world different cities around the world
and you can join them and there are
groups of other people that are
committed to improving their speaking
skills so you have an audience of people
that you can speak in front of they're
gonna give you feedback they're gonna
support you and that helps you improve
that's great I did that for a while when
I was first starting out and they helped
me a lot other things that help me that
you might want to consider is improv
classes and maybe acting classes as well
I did this early on as well very
challenging to do
what it will do is I'll force you to get
out of your shell when you're acting for
example you're taking on someone else's
role someone else's identity and you're
behaving in ways that are different than
how you would normally behave and that's
a great way to loosen yourself up and
get out of your shell improv is great
too because you have to learn how to
think think on the fly you have to learn
how to be witty you have to learn how to
just express without thinking so improv
classes are great for that too and you
can find that you know in your local
city I did that another thing that I did
when I was 21 years old I moved out from
my mom's house and I moved into this
house of a group of people there was
nine of us at one point we're all
roommates and we lived in this house
we're all into self-development wanting
to improve ourselves and I had an idea
of doing a public speaking night so once
a week I hosted a public speaking night
it was on Tuesdays and basically whoever
showed up we just get an opportunity to
practice speaking in front of everyone
else
so sometimes it'd be only one or two
people that would be there sometimes be
nine sometimes we'd invite other people
over and we each take turns giving a
speech with each take turns it's picking
a topic and speaking and communicating
on it and we'd also film each other to
give each other feedback there's a
little things we did and I did that
every week on Tuesdays and that really
helped me develop my speaking skills as
well so there's no way around it you're
gonna have to practice this and I think
if you can put yourself in environments
that are supportive that can and safe to
help you practice that will give you a
huge advantage so whether that's
Toastmasters improv acting classes
putting on your own group you know in
speaking group if you need to those are
great ways that you can really develop
that other things that have really
helped me a lot too is filming myself
and filming you know when you first film
yourself as I am right now when the
first time you watch yourself on camera
it could be very shocking and
uncomfortable I remember the first time
that I watched myself on camera man I
had a hard time looking at myself to be
honest I mean I remember looking at
myself and I was like oh my god do I
look like that is that how I sound do I
have that weird mannerism do I have that
weird expression I even know that you're
often sometimes not aware of you saying
and you know and these kind of habitual
things that we often say that we're not
aware of but when you watch yourself you
see it you become more aware and you can
you know even though you might be hard
at the beginning to watch yourself but
if you push yourself past it and you
look at yourself you're like okay you
know what I can improve this better that
better that better and then every time
you do a new video you consciously try
to improve it so I've got great benefit
of doing videos like this whether or not
anybody watches any of my videos I
benefit from it I benefit first because
I get to share something that helps me
learn it better and integrate it more
into my life be more congruent with it
to walk my talk but also it helps me
develop my speaking my confidence my
comfort my comfort I'll watch myself I
give myself feedback and I improve all
of those things are beneficial by
filming yourself so I cannot stress
enough the value of that even if you
have no intention of publishing it you
don't have to worry about that guys you
don't have to publish it anywhere keep
it privately on your computer but just
practice every day if you need to or
once a week
turn on the camera speak about something
sit down afterwards watch it give
yourself feedback and improvement and
then do it again the next day you do
that again and again and again and again
you will get good you will get a lot
better at it it's just a matter of time
okay so film yourself and practice in
that way
definitely incredibly valuable to help
you do that so those are a few tips and
strategies that can help you guys
there's more that I can share but if you
want more let me know in the comments
and I can do more videos like this for
you if you did enjoy this please give
this a thumbs up here on YouTube I'd
appreciate that that also gives me an
indicator or what kind of videos that I
should do if you enjoyed this I could do
more videos like this for you and of
course subscribe for more if you want
more advice help things from me that can
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click the bell icon so that you can be
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leave a comment below if you are
struggling in this area of your life or
you might be pretty good and been
working on it what's been working for
you
what is your struggle and what what's
been working for you this helped you
with that if other people share I think
everyone can benefit here from it but
there are pieces that you struggle with
maybe it's anxiety and fear then those
are things I could do more videos on to
be able to further serve and support you
guys as well so that's it for this video
guys hopefully you guys enjoyed it thank
you so much for being here
I look forward to seeing you again soon
take care and God bless
you
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