you
hey this is Stefan from
in this video I want to answer an email
that I received from a follower on
and the topic of the email was how do
you deal with failure towards a goal and
he kind of described a story about he's
following a certain diets low carb diet
and he you know went off track with it
and he ended up ordering Chinese food
and he felt just really horrible but
himself and it was beating himself up
and it was really down and how do you
deal with that how do you deal with that
failure when you come up short with
something or you violate one of your
standards of what's important for you or
you say you're gonna do something but
you don't do it and we all have a
tendency of beating ourselves up and
getting down about that and I'm not sure
if you just a different mindset that you
can use that can really free you and
change your perspective so that you
don't really experience that as much and
the first thing I'm going to say is that
everybody experiences failure okay this
don't even bother setting a goal if
you're not willing to confront and deal
with failure because failure is part of
the process I don't know anyone that's
achieved anything or set any goal in
life without failing and if you're
afraid of failing then often times are
just not going to send any goals and if
you're not sending goals and you're not
going to move forward they're not gonna
make any progress you're not gonna take
any risks they're not gonna make any
changes in your life because you're not
willing to deal with the inevitable
failure or rejection or whatever it is
that everybody has to endure on the path
of life okay so that's the first thing I
understand everybody goes through it I
go through it the people that you look
up to the most the biggest role models
that you might have in the world they go
through it as well in fact I was
watching a documentary about Deepak
Chopra who's this he's known as like
this big spiritual guru he's written 50
books and the documentary was on Netflix
and it was called decoding Deepak and it
was his son that was following around
Deepak Chopra around the world and
documenting his life and I was really
amazed to see that Deepak Chopra you
know he's addicted to his Blackberry
he's always on it he's a addicted to
coffee and caffeine and he even talks
about it he doesn't you know it doesn't
like yoga and all this stuff and he's
not this
that you you would think that you would
think he is you know you put him on a
pedestal and think he has this perfect
life or whatever your role model might
be but the reality is is that they have
bad days they go through failures they
go through hard times you know you look
at a Michael Jordan he had that famous
quote that amidst 20,000 shots my career
and I've been asked to take the
game-winning shot this many times now
missed this many times and he talked
about that because that's why I succeed
is because he's failed because he's been
through those hard times and he's missed
when he's come up short but he's still
the greatest ever okay so that's the
first point I want to make everybody
experiences failure the difference
between someone that's successful and
the person that's not is how they deal
with failure when they fall down do they
cry about it and complain you know if
you said okay I'm gonna do the slow carb
diet and you order Chinese food do you
just beat yourself up and say it's over
I messed up my diet I can't go on this
sucks I'm a loser I'm not good enough I
knew I couldn't do it why even bother do
you do that and just give up or you get
right back on track do you get up from
falling down and that's the difference
people that are successful they fall
down they fall down all the time but the
difference is is they just get back up
and they get focused on what they want
and they just keep making progress
towards that okay so it's not getting
discouraged or down when you feel spaced
that failure you know example I was
talking to a friend of mine and we're
talking about meditation and he had a
really great quote which was that the
master is someone that doesn't lose
focus or doesn't get out of balance or
something like that but he gets back
focused right when he gets off so
wouldn't you know if you're meditating
let's say anybody that meditates they're
gonna have certain thoughts that come up
you're gonna get distracted or whatever
when that happens are you like oh I
messed up the meditation the meditations
over you know this isn't working bla bla
bla bla or do you just get back focused
and that's what the master does is they
get out of balance all the time they
lose their focus but there's really
quick to get focused and get focused on
their breathing and back to that
meditation
okay so that's a really important part
of this is understanding that everybody
does fail but it's up to you just to
change your mindset perspective and get
back focused on it
okay when you do fall off off track you
know I've had many times for me I've
followed a certain diet and before you
know what I'm ordering pizza you know
or with family and I need a cake for you
know whatever and I'm breaking the
standard and what happens is yeah maybe
for a little bit I'll be like down on
myself about it but I just get back
focused and say okay that's over that's
in the past
okay the past does not equal the future
what can I do right now okay I'm gonna
get back on track today you know if I
have a bad day tomorrow's a new day it's
almost like tomorrow when you wake up
everything was erased and you just get
back on track with it and it's okay to
fall off here and there but the key is
you can you can maybe get a little hard
on yourself about it but you don't want
to indulge in that you don't want to
beat yourself up to the point where you
know it just prevents you from taking
any action further because what's
happening is you're actually giving
yourself a lot of pain for attempting to
do something and they're not going to
likely do anything again in the future
because your brain is just gonna have so
much pain all right so you want to make
sure that you don't indulge in all that
pain just quickly say okay that's that's
not who I am that's not acceptable and
get back focused on what you need to do
okay the other perspective to this as
well is be focused on progress not
perfection
okay people what happens for people is
they have this standard and they're
trying to be a perfectionist okay and
trying to be perfect is actually the
lowest standard that you have because
it's impossible
okay perfectionism can never be attained
and so really trying to be a
perfectionist is just a way to beat
yourself up all the time and give
yourself constant pain okay you need to
be more focused on making progress
meaning there are seven days in a week
okay if you have this goal to do this
diet let's say that you do five days
this week you're eating well the dye
that you want but two days you fall off
track
okay that's okay next week just go for
six days you know six days a week of
eating well a one-day off-track so the
goal is not trying to be perfect and
trying to follow this diet perfectly
it's just trying to get better and
better and better make progress each day
to be more consistent with something if
you want to start doing a morning ritual
you know I've coached with people and
work with them on my morning ritual you
know a lot of people say okay I want to
do all these things each day and I have
all these disciplines and rituals that I
want to do and they'll want to do it
seven five five to seven days a week
let's say and what's gonna happen is a
lot of people they they MIT they miss
days right are they're like they beat
themselves up because they didn't do
their meditation today they didn't go
for a run today they go to the gym or
whatever that's okay understand that's
part of the process you again you are
gonna fail you're not gonna just do
things perfectly you are gonna order
Chinese food again you are gonna fall
off your diet again it's okay but just
make sure you get back focus and your
focus on making progress so you can get
better and better and better and more
and more consistent and when it does
happen that you fall off just accept it
and just move on and just keep going
with it you're never gonna be perfect
just make a progress each day okay
so that's generally the mindset and some
tips that I have on how to deal with
failure and just understand is that
there's really no such thing as failure
and just change your perspective about
that because if you learn something it
was actually a success every failure can
become an asset if you learn something
from it so when you did indulge in this
Chinese food and you fell off track on
your diet in order to prevent yourself
from repeating the same pattern and and
you can actually learn from it make
progress from it sit down and say okay
why did this happen why did I order the
Chinese food why did I indulge in this
why did I break the commitment that I
said and trying to find out and
understand yourself and learn why every
failure is an opportunity to learn
something new okay that could help and
serve you in the future of your life did
I eat this Chinese food because I was
bored I was depressed something happened
that stressed me out find out what
caused that what triggered that and deal
with the source of that and start to
improve yourself and make those changes
so that doesn't happen again
and prepare yourself and
ways and set yourself up to win so that
you can prepare yourself to succeed and
set yourself up to win and succeed
further okay so hope this video helps
you have a blog post that goes along
with this but I hope this video helps
you have a great day
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