hey what's up life masters this is
Stefan James from project life mastery
today we're gonna talk about how to
overcome destructive habits and
behaviors in your life now we all have
habits and behaviors that we indulge in
that are disempowering to our lives
there are roading away your potential
there preventing you from being the
person you want to be and having a life
that you want to have and we want to
stop that we want to change and overcome
that which what is stopping us and
preventing us from having a life that we
want to have and we want to replace that
with something new with a habit a
behavior that's more sustainable
long-term that will allow us to have the
pleasure the satisfaction the pride the
self-esteem the self-love the soft
respect the confidence the joy the
happiness and what we want long-term in
our lives now here's the thing here's
how you can identify whether or not a
habit a behavior a decision that you
make whether it's disempowering to your
life or whether it's empowering it's
asking yourself how do I feel after I do
it how do you feel about yourself your
self-esteem your confidence your joy
your life after you indulge in this
habit or this behavior so here's the
thing most habits and behaviors that are
destructive they feel good in the moment
in the moment you're doing it for the
instant gratification the pleasure that
it provides for you it feels like you're
giving yourself a gift I mean when you
have junk food for example it feels good
it feels good to stuff yourself with
sugar and fat all your favorite foods
ice cream donuts pizza hamburgers
it feels great you're giving yourself a
lot of pleasure it might feel like
you're giving yourself a gift you're
receiving comfort connection with
yourself some cases it can be a way to
distract yourself a way to escape the
difficulties of your life and of the day
the stress is the saya T the challenge
is the boredom the emotions that arise
within you that you're not comfortable
with that you haven't resolved the inner
conflicts it's a lot easier than
resolving that then just to give
yourself pleasure and gratification in
the moments in the moment it makes you
feel good but you got to ask yourself
how do you feel
afterwards after you eat the junk food
and stuff yourself and binge eat and
overeat how do you feel how do you feel
about yourself does your self-esteem
does it go up or does it go down does
your confidence does it go up does it go
down
does your self-love go up or does it go
down and when you stack that long term
you got to ask yourself what's the
consequence now you can do anything in
the moment and spine is you know
everything in moderation and not saying
you can't eat junk food once in a while
but it's the habit of that when you make
that have bitch'll and you stack that
and you're doing that every few days or
every day what will that do to your life
what's that consequence and we both know
the answer if you're eating junk food
every single day or you know a few times
a week long term what's that going to do
to your happiness to your health to your
body or vibrancy your vitality your
radiance long-term the consequence might
be you'll get overweight and when you're
overweight you're feeding a negative
cycle now where your self-esteem your
confidence is so low it's a lot harder
to get out of that most often you don't
feel good about yourself you're more
likely to feel depressed and when you're
depressed you're you're digging yourself
this hole it's hard to get out of so on
the other hand when you think about the
alternative you know in any moment you
have a decision that you can make that's
disempowering or empowering and if you
make the empowering choice in the moment
it can feel uncomfortable or hard or
difficult to do it to contrast with the
junk food let's say that you decide to
have a salad or a green juice you know
or to go to the gym to do that in the
moment it doesn't feel as good it's hard
to compare the two I mean how can you
compare the pleasure that you can get
from all that junk food going to the gym
or you know eating healthy cells you
know what you can't necessarily compare
the two but even though that might not
give you as much pleasure in the moment
you're gonna ask yourself how do I feel
after that so when you go to the gym in
the moment might be painful requires
willpower discipline discomfort you got
to get off your hats you got to lift
weights and you got to get you know
challenge your body and break down your
body in ways and push yourself and sweat
and all the things that you go through
that
can be uncomfortable not for everybody I
get pleasure out of going in the gym
taking care of my body but afterwards
how do you feel your self-esteem goes up
your confidence goes up you feel good
about yourself and when you feel good
about yourself you're more likely to do
good you're more likely to feel happier
about your life and now you're creating
a more empowering cycle where you're
gonna do you're gonna indulge in more
positive habits and behaviors because
the momentum you get from that and
actually over a period of time I believe
and it's been my experience you actually
experience joy and satisfaction and
pleasure out of going to the gym and
eating salads and feeding your body with
nutrition and fuel that you know is
doing the body good because we all know
deep down inside what's right and wrong
we have a moral compass and whenever you
do something that's right something
that's empowering for you that you know
deep down inside it's good for you it's
good to good for your future it's good
for the present and the future you're
gonna feel good about yourself but when
you do something that's not good that
you know deep down inside it was wrong
you violated your rule your belief your
value whether it was health and vitality
or a discipline or a goal that you might
have again you're not gonna feel good
about yourself so how do we change this
how do we change these habits and by the
way the habits there's a long list that
are disempowering it might be overeating
binge eating and I've been through that
in my life as a very challenging thing
to go through but it could be many other
things I mean the disempowering habits
that we can have our negative thinking
complaining you know always looking for
the bad always looking for the negative
a skeptical mindset and attitude you're
gonna ask yourself what's the long-term
consequence of that your happiness your
joy your relationships or spiritual life
everything is going to have a
consequence whether that consequence is
bad and disempowering or whether it's a
good one it could be watching
pornography masturbation you know in the
moment it can feel great but long-term
what is that doing what is that doing to
your ability to connect and have
intimacy with a man or woman what's that
doing to your ability to
motivated in your life and have energy
and be excited and passionate about your
life what is that consequence to your
relationship in your attraction level to
your a partner to the opposite sex you
know there's a consequence to that
long-term that you've got to think about
or maybe might be sitting around all day
being lazy procrastinating which feels
good to sit around and play video games
or watch TV or to watch movies or to sit
around and watch YouTube videos all day
and spend hours of your life just living
in this fantasy world you know escaping
from reality cuz you might not
necessarily feel good about your life or
what's going on and so it's a lot easier
just to escape that again what's the
long term consequence of doing that
again and again and again you know or
maybe just in a scroll into Facebook or
Instagram you know and and going through
that as a negative habit and addiction
and everything can be done in moderation
but I want to make it a distinction of
what something can do when it's habitual
in your life when you're doing it from
the wrong place when you're doing it
from a place of trying to escape and
distract yourself which instead of
getting to the root cause and resolving
that the inner conflict within yourself
if you're doing it for the wrong reasons
and you're going to these things to
escape then if you don't resolve what's
going on within you that's uncomfortable
that you're not happy with then you're
just avoiding it all together and it
gets worse and it gets worse and worse
and worse until finally eventually you
gonna maybe feel enough pain that it'll
do something about it so we want to make
sure I want to make sure I make that
distinction of what's disempowering and
empowering and to understand this
because really the first step in
changing anything in your life is
awareness awareness awareness guys is
one of the most valuable character
traits and skills that you can have
being aware of your behaviors your
patterns whether it is disempowering or
whether it is empowering see a lot of
people they have blind spots they're not
aware of the things that they're doing
as disempowering in their life and most
often they don't want to admit to it cuz
most often a lot of people they want to
convince themselves that by doing this
it's okay
you know by doing this they rationalize
it in some way and justify it where it's
okay to do so but that's really because
they don't want to admit to themselves
that this is destructive that this is
actually holding them back and
preventing them they're trying to
they're trying to be attached to this
behavior in pattern because they're
afraid of giving it up they're afraid of
the benefits that you get from it you're
afraid of the loss of connection or
comfort or whatever it is people have
fear over that and so they don't want to
really face it they don't want to get to
the truth and anytime you want to change
anything you have to get to the truth
you have to be honest with yourself you
have to look yourself in the mirror and
admit to yourself give yourself the cold
hard truth is doing this good for me or
not
only you can tell yourself and know the
answer other people might see it there's
plenty of people for example that
struggle with addiction to alcohol to
drugs to pornography or whatever it
might be junk food but they don't see it
as a problem they don't have that
awareness even though everyone else can
see it it's obvious is evident they
don't want to admit it they rationalize
and satis not that bad I have control I
can change any time that I want I'll do
so later I'm still young whatever it is
that's the dangerous place that prevents
people from making any change in their
life it's a lack of awareness it's lying
to themselves and the reason why they
don't want to tell themselves the truth
and be honest is because it doesn't feel
good
it means pain I mean it doesn't feel
good to admit to yourself that you're
addicted to something it doesn't feel
good to admit to yourself that you have
this flaw or this weakness but if you
have the courage to do so
and you can be honest with yourself
that's when everything can change you
got to have that courage and the
strength the truth will set you free if
you get to the truth you can change
anything in your life and that's always
step number one we all know someone that
they have no awareness of what their
challenge might be whether it might be
someone for example that you know likes
to talk too much they don't listen to
anyone else or maybe it's a selfish
pattern they might have and you know you
might be talking to that person they
don't have awareness of it there's so
self-absorbed within themselves they
can't identify no I'm talking too much I
should ask this person questions I
should engage in a you know back and
forth conversation with this person we
all know people that are like that that
don't have awareness of it people that
have these challenges or difficulties
but they don't want to admit it and
you've got to make sure you're not
deluding yourself in that way that's
step number one
honesty pure honesty courage having
awareness being able to look at yourself
your life how you're living truly asking
yourself is this good for me or not is
this disempowering for my life or is it
empowering that is always the first
thing the second thing you got to do is
you have to link a consequence and
associate to the consequence of what
this negative disempowering habit or
behavior is doing for your life you got
to ask yourself what is this costing me
my life what what is the consequence and
you got to be honest with yourself about
that so most often here is the way I
think you have two choices two paths
that you can take you can make the
choice the decision to indulge in this
negative disempowering habit which is
gonna take you down one path and you
could ask yourself what will that path
be or you can do what's right what's
good for you the opposite of that or
something that's more empowering and
sustainable and you're gonna ask
yourself what is the consequence of that
what direction will that take me in my
life so you have two paths you've got to
decide which one you want to take so
let's take for example eating junk food
binge eating the path that that will
take you down is one of lower energy of
this ease in your body which can
potentially lead to having heart disease
cancer diabetes can lead you to being
overweight and not feeling good about
yourself and you look yourself in the
mirror and you put on clothes each day
you know you don't feel good about the
reflection staring back at you don't
feel good about how you look and how you
looking close and you avoid the mirrors
because of that you know it can lead to
less self esteem and confidence in
yourself to lead to the negative
consequence of maybe your partner not
being as attracted to you as they once
were
or if you're single you're trying to
attract someone you want to attract
someone it's amazing and beautiful and
an attractive person but you know you
don't feel good about yourself you don't
feel that you're attractive and you're
gonna put that out there you're not
going to be able to attract people in
the same way when you don't feel good
about yourself you're not gonna be able
to attract that which what you want
you're not going to have the energy to
pursue your goals and your dreams so you
think about the consequence you explore
what that path will take you down and
you contemplate it and here's what I do
I exaggerate it I exaggerate it and make
it the worst thing that I possibly can I
think about oh my god if I live my life
this way it's gonna lead to destruction
in my life it's gonna lead to me losing
everything that I want I'm gonna lose
the person that I love the most which is
Tatiana and I'm gonna lose that
incredible relationship that I have
because I'm not gonna feel good about
myself she's not going to be as
attracted to me and she deserves better
than that she deserves me being at my
best or you know financially I'm gonna
lose money in my business because if I
continue down this path of eating this
way and living this way I'm gonna gain
weight and I'm gonna have to deal with
disease and challenges financially I'm
gonna have to find ways to spend my
money to overcome you know I might not
be able to fulfill my mission and my
potential my life I might not be able to
put out videos and content and share and
give and do that which what I want to do
because you guys might not respect me as
much or I'm not gonna be the leader the
role model that I want to be I'm not
gonna have the energy I'm gonna you know
be be sitting around all day just you
know eating junk food and not be
pursuing my goals and my dreams and
that's gonna reflect poorly on me as a
leader in an example in this world that
I want to be so I exaggerated I make it
the worst-possible-case I'm gonna die
young all that stuff I make it worse
because the purpose of that is to link
pain to create a severe enough
consequence where your brain is like you
know what that's not even an option for
me anymore
okay now you also think about the
consequence of doing what is right so on
the other hand it's going to the gym
it's taking good care of my health my
body my well-being what's the
consequence of that if I take that path
what will that lead to if you future
pace and think five years ten
years in the future what will that do
for your life well I can already think
any by doing that going to the gym
consistently eating healthy my
self-esteem will go up I'll feel great
about myself I'll have more energy
because of that more energy not just
physically but you get this emotional
energy you get this emotional Drive you
get this momentum in your life when you
feel good about yourself then when you
feel good I know that's gonna translate
to every other aspect of my life I'm
gonna do better in my business my
relationship when I show up and I hang
out with Tatiana and I look good and I
feel good and my self-esteem is high and
my confidence is high then she's gonna
benefit from that to everyone else in my
life will benefit because I'm living my
life at a higher version of myself you
know I'm gonna have more energy to make
more money to put up more content to be
able to serve you guys and grow my
business and make an impact and other
people will look up to and respect that
and and see me as a leader and role
model because I'm walking my talk I'm
congruent with what I say and how I live
and so I think all the great benefits
and pleasure okay so that would be step
number two you think about the
consequence you contemplate each path
the negatives of continuing to live that
way the pleasure the incredible benefits
that you get because again we want to
link in our mind pain to the negative
disempowering habit pleasure to the new
more empowering one okay that's really
important really importantly you really
take the time to do that and sometimes
you fall off tracks sometimes you get
distracted I I get that but it's always
reminding yourself of that really what
this is is finding a Y and a purpose for
for taking good care of yourself and a
purpose and the reason why to not
continue to indulge in this pattern or
this behavior now the next thing that I
love to do is the way you create a habit
is you set you know I liked it for
example do like a 30 day challenge to
challenge myself you know what this is
the new empowering habit that I want to
replace this negative old on with
because whenever you whenever you try to
change something you've got to replace
it with something more empowering
because if you don't it opens up a void
and something else is going to show up
this is disempowering for
a lot of people you know they smoke
cigarettes they stop but because they
didn't replace the benefits they got
from smoking cigarettes with something
more empowering they replace smoking
cigarettes with eating junk food or they
replaced eating you know smoking
cigarettes with drinking alcohol they
look for something else to give them
that short-term gratification and
pleasure because they weren't conscious
about what they're going to replace that
with that can fulfill them in the
moments and long-term so you've got to
think about what is something you could
do instead that can give you maybe what
it whatever it was you're getting from
that disempowering habit so maybe for
example it was comfort connection maybe
it was you know maybe what you're
getting from that is giving yourself a
gift and giving yourself a form of
pleasure well there's many other things
that you can do to give yourself that
for me for example I looked at going to
the gym as an act of self-love I look at
every time I go to the gym every time I
put something healthy into my body I'm
fueling my body I'm not just satisfying
an appetite I'm taking good care of
myself I'm giving myself love and a gift
really the ultimate gift that is showing
actually respect and love for my Creator
God that has given me this incredible
gift and I don't want to just waste that
away you know I want to honor what it
has been given to me and take good care
of it this is my temple I want to
nurture it and it by doing so I get
pleasure from that I get pride and
self-esteem and confidence from that and
so I can for example replace eating junk
food and and you know indulging that
with going to the gym and eating healthy
salads and healthy foods that are
nurturing for me and I get pleasure from
that that's replacing what I was getting
from over here does that make sense so
you got to replace it with something
more empowering you got to think about
how it can give you that more empowering
and then you make it habit by doing a
challenge a 30-day challenge is what I
love to do so I'll say to myself okay
this is the new habit or behavior that I
want to build I'm gonna commit to it
every day for 30 days you can do longer
than that but the thing that I find is
when you make something too big in your
mind it becomes too overwhelming and
you're not going to do it so for example
I'm not sure if you know about you know
the 12-step program there's Alcoholics
Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous is
groups binge eating and all anonymous
and all the sort of stuff that they have
a 12-step program and highly we're
studying and getting into I've done 12
steps just for self-development purposes
not necessarily to overcome an addiction
but because the 12 steps you know it's
worth looking into you but it leads to a
more spiritual life it leads to a life
of honesty and integrity and feeling
great about yourself and so there's a
lot of past that that can allow you to
help that but one thing they talk about
is you never want to say to herself that
I'll never do this again
I'll never again eat junk food I'll
never again watch pornography I'll never
again do this or that because that is
such a daunting thing in your mind it's
so overwhelming for us that it's it's
impossible it's hard to say to yourself
it'll never again do something so
instead you take the approach of one day
at a time this is kind of like the motto
of a a one day at a time you know as
long as I just get through today that
that's all that matters and then today
you see the same thing how can I get
through this this day and then take it
one day after the next after the next
after the next that is more sustainable
it's a more some more you can grasp your
mind I guess around that a lot more than
just saying forever okay I'm never going
to do this ever again so one day at a
time that's an important thing so I like
doing like a 30 day challenge because
your brain can can actually wrap your
head around that you could do anything
for 30 days and commit to doing in 30
days okay and most often the hardest
part about developing habit is right at
the beginning that's when it requires
the most discipline and willpower but
once you get past that if it comes a lot
easier it's almost like a rocket going
into space when it's just trying to get
outside the Earth's net atmosphere it's
gonna require 80% of its fuel but
afterwards it doesn't require as much it
doesn't require as much energy it's the
same thing with the new habit at the
beginning it's gonna require a lot of
energy a lot of fuel but afterwards it
doesn't require as much it's automatic
it's habitual in your life so 30 days is
a great amount of time to do that I also
love getting accountability because if
you're
just accountable to yourself you can
easily back out of it if you can get an
accountability buddy someone that you
can something that's on the same path as
you are they want to develop the same
habit or pattern you hold each other
accountable every day you get on a quick
phone call with them you check in with
each other on a daily basis maybe it's
getting a coach or a mentor maybe it's
getting a sponsor you know when you go
to these you know these meetings what
not for AAA or whatever it might be
there's people there that can help you
and be your mentor and your sponsor that
be your form of accountability so I
think we all need that maybe it's
posting inside a Facebook group and
committing to a group of people and
saying this is what I'm gonna do for the
next 30 days and I'm going to update
this Facebook post in this group every
single day for the next 30 days to share
to share in journal as to share whether
I did it or I didn't do it or maybe
there's other apps that can help you
with that as well but I believe in
having accountability because when
you're accountable to someone else
you're less likely to back out you're
more likely to do it and as long as you
get past that first 30 days I think
you'll notice and find that it'll get a
lot easier for you to maintain that
habit and continue to build it up
long-term so that's the process that I
go that is a simple process that you can
do first is have awareness second is
link the consequence of continuing down
the destructive path and then the
consequence of the alternative the
second path of the more empowering habit
that you want to cultivate in your life
you got to know what the new habit is
you're gonna commit to a 30 day
challenge every single day you're gonna
do it no matter what it's gonna be tough
at the beginning but once you get past
that you're gonna be free once you get
past that you're gonna experience so
many incredible benefits that of what
that could do for your life and one of
my favorite ways to develop new habits
is through a morning ritual every single
morning I wake up I develop these habits
because in the morning is when your
willpower is the highest in the morning
you feel the best about yourself you're
the most refreshed you have the most
energy so I like to to try to really
cultivate in the morning those habits
the most but you also have to be aware
of throughout the day as well
and when those negative habits can show
up so that you can be aware
of what your triggers and patterns are
so you can avoid them and make sure
again you replace it with what is gonna
lead you to the life you want so I've
been talking long enough hopefully this
has been helpful for you guys but you
know I really wanted to do a video like
this for you just to remind you of these
things I know you already know it but I
want to remind you that you can change
anything you want in your life you can
change any habit any pattern it might
feel like you tried it so many times
before to overcome these things but you
got to understand just because it didn't
work out in the past even though you
tried many many times before it does not
mean that that is gonna guarantee what
will happen again in the future I
believe one of the best ways to overcome
whatever it is that you're going through
find other people that have been through
what you've been through they've
overcome it and have them be your
inspiration
role model because if they did it that's
proof that you can do it as well and
there's countless examples of that no
matter what it is you're going through
right now whether it's addiction to
alcohol drugs technology negative
thinking complaining junk food binge
eating pornography or whatever it is
there are people out there that have
overcome it and you can learn from them
they could be your inspiration they're
proof that you can do it as well so
don't give up don't give up always come
back to this go through this process
again and again you're gonna fall off
track but it that's okay don't be hard
on yourself look at your progress that
you've made more than beating yourself
up because you have to learn how to
forgive yourself to not always beat
yourself up when you didn't you know do
everything perfectly all the time the
goal is not perfection it's progress so
I wanted to share that with you guys
today hopefully you guys benefited from
and enjoyed this video if you did please
give this a thumbs up here on YouTube
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project life mastery that goes more into
self-development building a business
creating your life that you want it's
all here for you here on project life
mastery subscribe for more and leave a
comment below leave a comment and share
what's been working for you or what's
been your struggle because I believe if
you comment below and everybody kind of
shares things that maybe help them by
developing their new habits then that
can benefit everybody here and is
something that will help everyone so
leave a comment below share something
you've been doing or something you want
to commit
to make a declaration make a commitment
so that you could be more accountable to
it so thank you guys so much
have an amazing day talk to you again
soon
you
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