hey what's up life masters this is
Stefan James from project life mastery
to day I want to talk to you a little
bit about happiness something that we
all want a lot more of right I'm sure if
you're watching this right now then you
want to be happier you want a better
quality and experience of life just like
I do and I believe everyone else on the
planet wants the same and I want to
share a few things that I've learned
over the years that have really changed
my life they've really increased my
levels of happiness and many of you know
my story years ago back then that's in
high school I used to struggle I was
depressed I was even suicidal at
different times and I struggled with it
for quite a number of years going
through phases of just unhappiness in my
life to where I am today where I'm happy
to say that I'm the happiest that I've
ever been happiness for me is a default
way of being it's not something that I
have to do it's just who I am and I
created that I conditioned that and I
want to share things that I've learned
so make sure that you watch this video
in full I think you'll find it
invaluable and will really shift your
mindset mentality and things I might say
to you that you might already know but
often times I'm sure you know we forget
we forget and it really doesn't matter
what you know it really matters is what
you're doing what you're living if you
follow my work than you know that so
let's dive in where does happiness come
from now I know you just know the story
you know the cliche that happiness comes
from within yet most of us we forget
that right most of us we are conditioned
to believing that we have to do
something have something or experience
something in order for us to be happy in
Western philosophy the western part of
the world that's how we live our lives
because marketing is all designed to
make you believe that you're not enough
the way you are right they're gonna make
you feel inadequate or insecure that
you're not attractive enough and so you
need this beauty product or you need to
look like this or you know you've got to
change your body and by transforming
your body and having that six-pack or
look in a certain way then you're gonna
be happy or maybe it's making more money
or having that house or that car or that
watch or that boyfriend a girlfriend or
having those kids or you know one day
when you retire that's when you're gonna
be happy or when you get that house of
your dreams that lifestyle of your
dreams you can go on that vacation that
at that point you're gonna be happy and
so from
of us were conditioned by society
including myself I get influenced by it
all the time where we believe that
happiness is something that comes
outside of us it comes from external
things and that's the biggest lie that
there is and it's something that we
always have to resist in our lives and
remind ourselves out because if you're
watching this right now and you believe
that whatever goal that you're pursuing
whatever vision that you have that that
is gonna make you happy then I've got
some news for you you're gonna get there
I have no doubt that you will I believe
that you can achieve anything you set
your mind to but you're also gonna have
the horrible experience that I've been
through myself at different times in my
life where you get to where you want it
to be and have what you thought would
make you happy and sure enough you get
there and you realize that that's not it
you realize that you're not going to be
that much happier by having that buy
that car or the house or anything
external that happiness truly does come
from within happiness really what I
define it is a state of mind a state of
being it's something that we can
experience right now in this moment as
you're watching this video right now you
have the capacity the ability to be
happy right now regardless of your
circumstances regardless of where you
live regardless of how much money you
have in your bank account regardless if
you're single or you're having a
relationship or you're with someone that
might be even abusive regardless of the
job that you might have you might be in
a job that you hate regardless of all of
that I believe that you can be happy and
there's been enough evidence and proof
throughout history and throughout
society of role models that have proven
that I mean if you go back to Viktor
Frankl who wrote the book man's search
for meaning if you haven't read the book
I highly recommend it
Viktor Frankl you know ended up being
taken away and locked up in a Nazi
concentration camp Auschwitz and he
lived in an environment he was actually
a psychiatrist but he lived in this
environment for a period of time of
suffering all around him I mean could
you imagine how horrible it would be to
have that fear every single day of being
gassed or you know not having the food
or not having the shelter or being
freezing or your butt off and
around you giving up and dying and
suffering from disease and all the
horrible things of that environment and
what made Victor Frankl famous and what
he discovered and wrote his book on was
that regardless of your environment and
your circumstances that you can still
find meaning and happiness and he
actually studied that environment those
that did go on and survive versus those
that gave up that just believed that you
know this is their fate this is their
life and if you can find joy and meaning
and happiness in that circumstance even
though you're in this external world of
Hell you can find that internally then
I'm sure what you're going through right
now you can still find the happiness
within you know I've also had that
unique experience of going to parts of
the world where extreme poverty
third-world countries where they
literally have nothing I mean I kid you
not if you follow my content my vlogs
you know that I've been involved in
building houses and schools around the
world I been to Ethiopia for example and
funded some schools there and had the
experience a few years ago of going to
Ethiopia I did a whole vlog on it and
we're out in the middle of nowhere you
know around this community where they
literally have nothing they've got to
walk an hour each day just to get water
you know there's school at the time was
just basically like an a bird's nest I
mean it's just sticks and twigs and you
know they're suffering from different
diseases and whatnot and one thing that
have just kind of been fascinated by
being in those environments though is
seeing how much joy and happiness yet
they still have you know you see a group
of kids and they don't have the iPads
and the iPhones that the kids that today
have in North America or they don't have
all the toys that my nieces and nephews
have they just literally have a ball a
soccer ball and yet the kids are running
around and having a great time and you
know the parents and the the adults
they're they're they have such an
incredible sense of community is such a
credible family life connection to one
another connection with their Creator
their spiritual well-being and as I've
spent time I've actually lived in those
communities as well I've also done that
and built houses for families in
Nicaragua and El Salvador and been to
those places and stayed and lived
the family is in a little home that they
have and literally it's nothing compared
to what we have I mean they don't have
access to the Internet like we do they
don't have access to the same food and
water and the basic needs that we have
and yet by being in that environment and
seeing in some cases how they're happier
than people that might live in North
America that might have seemingly at all
yet the people that often live in the
North American culture have the highest
rates of depression the highest drug
addiction you know addicted to alcohol
and things of that nature so you know
oftentimes I question him wonder is the
Western Way of living is that really the
healthiest way is that the way that's
going to lead to the highest levels of
happiness and sometimes the old-school
way of living that we've evolved from in
so many ways you know how people used to
live in tribes and whatnot yet in many
cases they're happier than a lot of
people in North America so there's
people out there that I can promise you
this they have nothing literally nothing
material what we much worse off than you
are but yet they're grateful and they're
happy every day I can promise you that
that does exist a lot more than what you
think but at the same time it can also
point out examples to you of people that
have it all people that are millionaires
multimillionaires and even billionaires
people they have all the fame all the
people that love them and yet they're
depressed they're miserable a lot of
them they might be going in and out of
rehab a lot of these celebrities that
you might look up to that have
everything and yet they struggle I mean
how many celebrities have you known that
have committed suicide or that we've
lost a drug addiction you know or the
billionaire's out there that have it all
and yet they kill themselves because you
know they're just unhappy with their
settles in their lives and so if you
look at the extremes
I really believe what it comes down to
is happiness comes from within and it's
something that you can be and experience
right now in your life now there's a few
things I want to share with you on this
number one is I believe that happiness
is a state and it's something that you
can condition in your life the see we
all have these different emotional
states that we experience every day and
we have a deep
Way of being a natural state if you will
this default way this natural state is
something that we've conditioned though
the more that you've accessed certain
emotional states that's become habitual
for you the become habits and that's
your default way of being so for example
when I was back in high school and I
struggled with depression and I
struggled with anxiety and a lot of fear
in my life the way that I the reason why
my life was that way and I experienced
those was because I had conditioned
those so every day I was focusing on
certain things that made me feel that
way that made me feel shy and insecure
and depressed I was focusing on
everything that was missing from my life
I focused on how I wasn't good enough
and I allowed the opinions and the
naysayers and the haters and the bully
is all those people out there to
influence my psychology in my mindset
and imprint those in my life as well as
my parents and certain trauma and
experiences that I went through I
allowed all of that to influence me and
it conditioned myself to be a certain
way and the more often that I accessed
depression or anxiety or fear or shyness
the more that I was strengthening that
the more that was getting stronger and
more my default natural way of being and
so to get out of that was challenging
because to be happy was different than
how I was right it was breaking out of
that mold and that pattern that I had
and what I decided to do that changed my
life and most of you know it is I
created a morning ritual I realized that
we are what we repeatedly do every
single day then if every single day I
start off the day and I make happiness a
must in my life I make it import more
than anything else more than going on my
job more than spending time with my
loved ones more than anything else I
prioritized me and my own happiness that
pretty soon it might take a while but if
I did that every single day I
conditioned that then it's just a matter
of time before I rewrite that old
programming and conditioning and replace
it with something new so imagine that
you know if you will that depression or
anxiety or these negative emotions anger
they're kind of like a pattern that if
you have a CD or a record this burned a
pattern on it that if you take that CD
of that record you put it in a CD player
or a record player then it's going to
a certain song it's gonna read that
pattern but if you take that pattern and
you overwrite it you overwrite it with a
new pattern and you put that in the CD
player it'll play the new pattern and
that's really what you have to do you
have to overwrite you have to rewrite
this old negative conditioning this old
default way of being these habits that
you've developed emotionally to replace
them with more empowering ones of
happiness and joy and gratitude and what
you really want
so my morning ritual I've shared many
videos on this I've even created a
course on this and created a book on it
as well it's available for you on Amazon
but I started doing habits and rituals
every single morning one of them would
be gratitude forcing myself every single
morning to focus on what I'm grateful
for in my life and I don't care where
you live your circumstances there are
good beautiful things in your life right
now that you could focus on and
appreciate and feel that can
dramatically increase your happiness
just by focusing on it so for me just
focusing on the fact that I have another
beautiful day of my life that right now
today is a brand new day it's a clean
slate it doesn't matter what's happened
in the past it doesn't matter today is a
brand new opportunity to be do you have
an experience what I want that's
powerful that's a gift that we got to
appreciate every day just appreciating
the fact that I'm alive that I have a
body that's working and functioning that
there's plenty of people that are much
worse off than me physically and I've
got my arms in my legs I've got my
ability to see I've got the ability to
hear there's people out there that don't
have that and when you ever use contrast
like that you know most of us we compare
ourselves people further ahead than us
and often we feel worse about ourselves
but if you contrast the opposite way and
you compare yourself to people worse off
than you then you can often feel a lot
better about yourself and you got to
realize that there's a lot of people out
there that don't have what you have that
you are gifted that you are blessed or
maybe the fact that right now you have
access to the Internet that you can
watch this right now on youtube or on my
podcast
that's pretty miraculous and that's
pretty incredible if you think about it
right now we have these phones and these
devices where we have more access to
information today than the president of
the United
states did twenty or thirty years ago we
are so abundant and blessed right now
but all you got to do is focus on it and
at the beginning if you've been living
in depression if that's been your habit
guess what you built the habit in the
pattern of focusing what's missing in
your life what's not gonna work you know
all the negative stuff and you've got to
overwrite it guess what when you
overwrite it with this it is gonna be
hard it's gonna be challenging you're
not used to it
your brain is gonna say this is all
it's gonna find the ways to get
you back to your comfort zone of who you
used to be because it doesn't want to
change change is stepping into the
unknown
your brain is afraid of that and that's
why you have to push yourself no matter
what you've got to make it a habit and
ritual and if you do it for 30 days
you'll start to see the benefits and
feel the benefits of this of a happier
life
so gratitude is incredibly powerful even
for me I asked myself questions every
morning and I asked myself questions
that direct my focus on the good of life
you know there's plenty of negativity
out there in the world that's always
getting our attention right I mean then
you turn on the news you turn on let's
go to Facebook you go to YouTube you
can't escape and avoid it you know
there's plenty of things that you heard
about the horrible terrorist attacks or
the killings and the deaths and the
murders and the rape all the horrible
things that are out there that are
designed to get our attention because
that's how our brain is pre-programmed
it's to focus on the negative most often
and so we have to override it again and
that's why I think having a ritual every
day where you focus on the good is
incredibly powerful so I ask myself
questions like what am i happy about in
my life you know what am i happy about
and by asking the question it forces my
mind to come up with an answer so man
I'm happy the ability that I have to
communicate with you right now
that I don't even know who you are or
complete strangers but I have your time
I have your attention for me that means
the world and I have the opportunity to
reach you and impact you hopefully and
inspire you and uplift you that's a
pretty incredible thing that I'm I'm
incredibly happy about and I'm happy
that I have the ability to build a
business to create the life that I want
the dreams that I have I can pursue it
and I can actualize it and turn it to a
reality I'm so happy about the freedom
in my life I'm happy both my family my
friends the people my life that love and
support me right if you focus on it you
feel it and the more you focus on it and
take the time to feel the more it's
gonna get stronger you feed that it's
like building a muscle that that becomes
your default natural state your way of
being you know another one of my
favorite rituals I do I've mentioned
this before is smiling
I think smiling is one of the best acts
that you can do that reflect the level
of happiness that we wants and by
forcing yourself to smile each day you
know even more throughout the day if you
want that's going to condition you to
being a state of happiness and remind
you of that sometimes you've got to fake
it till you make it sometimes you get to
act as if you got to act as if you
already are that happy and abundant
person and by doing that enough times
again that becomes your default it
becomes who you are
so our ritual for that has been
incredibly powerful and you override the
conditioning you do it every single day
you do it not just in the morning but
throughout the day that whenever you
catch yourself going back to who you
used to be you remind yourself you catch
yourself to focus on who you want to be
and be that right now in this moment
before you know it you'll be that person
you'll have an experience those levels
of emotions to happiness that you want
so that's one of the most powerful
things I can share with you because I've
done rituals now for I guess 17 years
almost every day of my life and it's one
of the most powerful things that's
cultivated and shaped Who I am to being
Who I am today and experiencing the
emotions that I experience I'm just
conditioning every single day for years
you do that enough time then it becomes
a habit for you becomes natural you
don't have to think about it I have to
do anything as no willpower or
discipline for it it's just it's just a
habit you know just like depression is a
habit just like anxiety is a habit it's
creating is more empowering habits in
your life
I think another very powerful thing that
I've learned has been meditation you see
our brain is not designed to make you
happy your brain is designed as a
survival mechanism to keep you safe and
protect you too bro to prevent threats
from occurring in your life and to avoid
them at all costs for the dangers of
life and that's what has been incredibly
useful for us to survive
as a species up until this point but you
got to realize and realize the purpose
of your mind and your brain is for
survival not for happiness and so
therefore it's your job to direct your
mind on what is gonna make you happy
and now I've often used the metaphor
that your mind is like a century on a
ship right the century on the ship the
job is to look out and watch out for
things that are potential threats so
your mind the century is gonna be like
oh look out for this look go for that be
careful you know it's gonna always warn
you of these things it's like an over
worried mother you listen to to it too
much it's gonna drive you crazy but you
got to remind yourself that you are the
captain of the ship that you direct it's
great that your brain and your mind is
providing this useful information for
you but if it's not relevant you don't
need to listen to it you've got to
direct your mind instead on what you
want and what you want to be an
experience and meditation I think is
incredibly valuable because you learn
how to calm your mind how to make it
calm all that thoughts that you have
those aren't really your thoughts
they're not unique they're not original
they're thoughts that come from your
lower self most often but we also have a
higher self our best self and when you
understand those thoughts
they don't serve or empower you that you
don't have to listen to them that
they're not who you are you don't have
to associate with it you can learn how
to detach yourself from it that's what
you learn through meditation is how to
observe and not attach to these thoughts
that you might have just to allow them
to pass and I was very resistant to
meditation for many years but it's been
one of the most important things that
I've learned is how to calm my mind and
disassociate from those thoughts and
really how to be present because most of
our thoughts they're thoughts that come
from the past or in the future and they
take us away from the present moment the
present moment is all we have right it's
it's it's here it's right now and our
thoughts past or future we've got to
remind ourselves that that we don't have
control over that yet that hasn't
happened yet that right here in the now
is the most important thing and so
meditation helps you be more present
helps you be in the moment more often
and in the moment you can experience how
enjoy you know Eckhart Tolle is a great
teacher of this as well as Wayne Dyer
and as many great teachers out there you
can learn the power of now by Eckhart
Tolle is a great book as well as a new
earth and what not to so there's an
incredible resources out there I've
often reminded even of the story of
Prince Siddhartha Buddha right he was
grew up in a wealthy family and he grew
up in this environment of seeing all
this wealth and riches in his life but
he actually found that he observed that
most people were suffering most people
are unhappy and he was fascinated by
this and so Prince Siddhartha went out
on a journey by himself he left that
environment and he decided instead to
give up all of his material possessions
and he'd go out and he you know would
meditate and explore and everything and
tried a lot of different things but he
discovered again that nothing material
is gonna make you happy the happiness
and enlightenment can come from
meditation it can come from just being
present and appreciating being grateful
you know getting rid of all that noise
that's in your head and that's another
piece I think we need a ritual for we
need a ritual for that as well for
meditation in our lives and then another
piece I'm gonna mentioned for you too is
you got to be careful in creating rules
an order for you to be happy you see if
someone asked me today on Instagram they
said Stefan what do you need to do or
what are things you do every day to be
happy and yeah you know meditation and
things that are things that you can do
but a lot of us we have belief systems
in our head that we believe that in
order for us to experience a certain
emotion like happiness we've got to do
something or all of these things have to
have have to happen if you happy so for
example you might believe that Nora for
you to be happy you've got to make a
certain amount of money you could have a
secure a job you're gonna have a man or
a woman in your life you've got a you
know be a certain weight or body fat and
there's all these rules that we have
you've got to have a productive day you
got to go to the gym that day all these
things then once you check the list of
all that then you're finally happy and
it's all bs that's all rules and stories
that you've created in your head that's
making it incredibly hard and
challenging for you to be happy when
really you can be happy right now in
this moment just by deciding to you know
for me I shift a lot of my beliefs that
I had that we're holding me back and I
realized you know what I don't
eat anything to be happy just like we
don't need anything they feel like
right I could feel happy just by smiling
I can feel happy just by waking up in
the morning or I can feel happy just by
remembering all the good that exists in
my life all the good that exists in the
world and that makes me happy and when
you have a small criteria for happiness
you're gonna experience this so much for
versus the person that has all these
rules and beliefs of what has to happen
or if in them to feel happy so often you
got a you got to check-in and shift some
of those mentalities as beliefs that you
have that might be holding you back now
some of you might be thinking well
Stefan you know my unhappiness is my
Drive it's my motivation right it's what
pushes me every day by believing that to
be successful that's gonna make me happy
well you know that might be a motivator
for you but it's not sustainable it's
not lasting in fact I'd actually
challenge you on this and help you
understand instead you see you're right
now achieving to be happy what if
instead you happily achieved
I would actually challenge you to say
that if you're happy right now every day
you're much more likely to become
successful and achieve your goals versus
when you're unhappy and you know you're
using that as Drive to achieve your
goals see successful people aren't happy
happy people are successful so happiness
is something that you start with that
contributes to your success in your life
it contributes to I mean think about it
I mean the happier that you are the more
likely you are to take action in your
life to have more energy because
happiness gives you energy in your life
to pursue great things and take more
actions the happiness is going to
attract people into your life whether
it's business partners or opportunities
or a man or a woman I mean they're not
gonna be attracted as someone that's
miserable and depressed right at least
the person that you want to attract
that's not the kind of person you're
gonna be able to attract quality
customers that are also happy by you
being miserable and depressed every
single day that doesn't make any sense
right you're not gonna be able to it's
gonna be a lot harder at least to create
the body that you want if you're
miserable and unhappy because when
you're miserable and unhappy and
depressed are more likely to eat food
that it's not supportive of your body as
a way to change how you feel to escape
to connect with yourself
I know I had been Jeanie just disorder
many years ago right but the more
happier you are guess what you don't
need to use food as a drug you don't
need to go to alcohol you don't need to
go to those things as much because
you're already filled up you're a glass
that's full and overflowing versus a
glass that's empty looking to fill
yourself up from everything external
around you instead of filling yourself
up internally we don't need those things
those things are just extra bonuses that
can amplify experiences of your life but
it's not needed by you by anyway so
happiness comes from within and it's
something that we got to practice every
day and we have to build it and
cultivate it and I think one of the best
ways is through a ritual so listen I
could go on and on about this but
hopefully these disciplines these
mindsets these different ways of
thinking and living can really shift
your life as it has for me I mean my
life is regardless of anything on the
outside of achieves some pretty
incredible things and experience
incredible things but honestly none of
that really matters once you experience
it once you experience it it gives you a
temporary satisfaction it gives you a
high for a period of time but then it
goes away
and I'm always reminded how happiness is
such a simple thing that comes from us
deciding to focus on what's good in our
life and conditioning that and that's
all that matters is cultivating that
with from within and not buying into the
story the the illusion that it comes
from anything else so listen if you're
looking to create a ritual in your life
I'd love to support you with that I've
actually created a course called excuse
me called morning ritual mastery I'll
link to it below for you I've also got
my excuse me I have my morning ritual
cheat sheet as well that I'd love to
send you for free it goes into some
rituals and I've got a book on Amazon
called 67 morning ritual habits for your
mind body and spirit I'll link to those
below for you as well but this is a way
that I want to support you to create a
ritual in your life because if you don't
have one yet you're missing out if right
now your ritual is you wake up and
you're stressed in the morning you're
not happy you're tired you know you go
to your phone you go to your computer
your reactive through the day then man
I've been there before to you and it
sucks it's gonna hold you back in so
many ways instead of being proactive and
giving yourself the gift that you really
want need which
is the time and attention that we got to
give ourselves to make ourselves a
priority you know make ourselves a
priority and our happiness a protein or
life more than anything else and by
doing that you'll reap the rewards not
just emotionally but also on the outside
world to the things that you want will
be attracted into your life and
manifested a lot easier by focusing on
your inside world first and that will
always expand out and influence the
outside world around you because it's
infectious it's contagious so I'll link
to some of those below if you enjoyed
this give me a thumbs up subscribe for
more videos and I look forward to seeing
you again soon take care
you
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