The Roast of Linus Sebastian #Helpful Post

the roast of Linus Sebastian is fueled

by madrenas coffee get the Linus tech

tips vanilla cold brew today and now

please welcome your roastmaster James

stride

good evening ladies and gentlemen

I'm James tribe and tonight is the big

night

welcome to the madrenas coffee roast of

Linus Sebastian tonight we're here to

honor a man who made hundreds of hours

of quality educational content five

years ago and has been riding on

clickbait ever since but before we get

into it I just like to say on behalf of

all those in attendance tonight and the

millions watching at home Colton that

guy joining me on stage tonight I have

essentially an entire team where every

player was picked last you guys look

like the character select screen for

that band steam game active shooter

you're like a BuzzFeed listicle for

famous virgins I'm just kidding you guys

no one hears famous bit wait is here

tonight playing himself Kyle also

sometimes plays a yellow face character

named Lyle who we all feel uncomfortable

watching but it's okay because Kyle is

part Chinese and part douchebag

he was allowed to bring a date tonight

but Paul already had plans so gamers

Nexus Steve I recognize you now sorry

about earlier man we had a mix-up where

I thought Steve was the guy we hired to

set up the microphones man if your tech

Jesus we're gonna need more nails

not to be outdone Nick light is here

tonight you may remember him from such

roles as the Adams family's Uncle Fester

oh my head is a bowling ball and finally

we have that guy Tarun Tong I'm told

you're Linus's ol boss or something

you don't look funny at all man guys

don't worry someone will put timestamps

in the comments so you can skip all the

people speaking of people who love

segways Linus is the megalomaniac CEO

who pays my salary Linus is the fast

easy way to regret ever looking up a

phone review in the first place

so you can get on with your life because

who the cares anyway just head to little

man syndrome calm and enter code Grindr

in that how did you hear about us

section so thanks for watching guys

cuz I'm fired now on a related note it's

a good thing that we're doing this roast

now because let's face it YouTube is a

fickle mistress and now the lioness is

over 30 this house of V cards could

collapse at any minute

which is why I brought these headshots

call my people we're going to take a few

pokes out Linus tonight but there's no

denying he's an icon that you should

probably drag into the recycle bin let's

take a look at the work that bookmarked

him in the first place

after this word from our sponsor gay

hockey stop her why not both am i being

manipulated to join a crusade is there

some kind of agenda

let's see if I still got it

you could always just bludgeon your

opponents over the head when you lose

hey there sexy I would like to spend

some time with you tonight we are going

out to purchase some adult sex baby

everywhere oh my god it's full of pubes

I'm a little nervous too baby

I've never done anything like this and

through all that time he never changed

his hairstyle his wardrobe or his

earrings he's like a less successful

Backstreet Boy ladies and gentlemen

please welcome the only in so I know

who's married the West Coast Shilla

Linus

oh wait wait wait wait I thought of

everything buddy you know what you know

on this okay well I noticed your feet

are dangling already so finally I get to

roast Linus

oh sorry guys uh Linus gave me some

hosting tips before the show but I just

can't do it anyway what's with all the

signing man your audience isn't deaf

they just wish they were is there anyone

who doesn't watch Lance's videos with

the playback speed cranked to 2x

seriously dude the only thing slower

than your presentation style is Nick's

metabolism I'm surprised to see you in

your regular uniform tonight I guess the

your father's suit section of Valley

Village must have been picked dry Linus

has three beautiful children but I think

it must have been test-tube babies or

something cuz there's no fucking way

this guy's not a virgin I know I'm as

disappointed as anyone that this guy was

able to breed at all but apparently he's

fixed now he says he got a vasectomy but

I think they just cut his balls right

off lately

Linus has been trying to figure out what

to do next he tried to break into acting

but he got frustrated because he kept

getting typecast as a eunuch seriously

though I gotta hand it to you and the

team for making it this far though

because your early videos have all the

production quality of an art Kelly sex

tape but with more potty humor it's a

slow burn

more recently Linus has been criticized

for the ridiculous faces that he wears

in the thumbnail images but I don't

think he can help it

in fact Yvonne told me that he makes the

same faces in bed

when she pegs him Lynas definitely has

some baggage from high school and I

think that's why he likes badminton he

can avoid the trauma of a team locker

room while still getting the bat cocks

around all night but his deepest

insecurity is that even though he's

built one of the largest tech channels

in the world the industry still treats

him just like his classmates did you

can't play with our toys before launch

you're not invited to our annual party

and if you want to play seven minutes in

heaven eventually you have to come out

of the closet all right it's time for me

to shop and get to our first roaster

Kyle handsome

Kyle's channel used to be called

awesomesauce many people don't know that

this was actually his dad's nickname for

him from way back before he was born and

who could have predicted his son has

become famous for taking a sticky load

in the eye though I think he gets up

from his mother's side

please welcome

thank you for that introduction James

and impressive work by the way I

actually didn't think Linus could sound

any stupider until you started writing

for LMG good evening it's it's good to

be here and by here I mean not sitting

next to you souls anymore all of you

i J ji I know you're probably too

embarrassed to ask so I'll help you out

Linus do you have any offer codes for

hair dye jail I'll be in touch

he probably does you're looking good

though J you know I think it's cute how

you show if your little sports cars must

be nice to actually fit in them now just

honest question do you just name your

cars after girls fat J never got to ride

Oh cuz if so you're gonna need a lot

more cars man one of the most impressive

things J has ever done is his post

Malone build you can really see how much

hard work and talent goes into making

something so precisely ugly when post

Malone stands next to that PC you don't

even see his face tats that build took

so long to launch you should have named

it floatplane hey man

man you look like you've had less sleep

than Emperor Palpatine still I get

aroused every time I see your face

because it looks like a vagina from the

70s I also love how your professional

and personal relationship with Linus is

the same he's the front end you're the

back beautiful but seriously building a

website on that scale must be a

tediously grueling process kind of like

watching a gamers Nexus video Steve puts

a lot of effort into his work you can't

tell but he's benchmarking a video card

right now I'm guessing it's up his ass

and that's why he's always angry I love

all your YouTube rants Steve did you

make one when Metallica kicked you out

of the band

Steve is known in the community as Tech

Jesus but at least people believe in

Jesus you corporate a show by the way I

didn't bring my twin brother Lyle here

tonight because I didn't think any

anyone would understand him but it turns

out dennis is here Dennis I think it's

cool that during the Byrd Box challenge

you didn't need a blindfold you just

smiled Colton

that's right why are you doing that I

thought they put you up here with us

like you need to be any lower to the

ground I'm actually kind of surprised to

see you here I'm pretty sure Colton

hasn't been fired yet because lmg has a

height requirement for termination

ironic isn't it - but Colton I've always

thought you'd make a great pedophile

because you blend in with children it's

a feature so I've known linus for let's

see too long and what I've learned is

Linus will monetize anything that moves

I remember we did karaoke with him once

and he picked a song from The Lion King

I'm pretty sure that was just a Disney

ad

you realize you're sandwiched between

ads in every video right like if you

ever left YouTube for pornhub you'd have

dbrand in your ass and honey in your

mouth tastes better than you think

the wife even knows that by the way

you're at your earrings called they want

the lesbian you stole them from back in

case you didn't know lesbian is an

abbreviation for Linus Sebastian call

her unlucky but at least Helen Keller

never had to see your face or hear your

voice - his voice is proof that his

balls are the only two things he hasn't

dropped yet then again it's what made

you internet famous I really loved your

role as the 56k modem we all showed up

to Linus's roasts tonight but we'd never

go to his birthday party because he's a

workaholic the invitation would say

'come celebrate Linus's birthday monday

9:00 to 5:00 free cake sponsored by

savage jerky your funeral would be more

fun right

which reminds me when's the funeral for

Channel super-fun happening that must

have been fun though right making videos

of you pretending that you had friends

because you clearly never had any in

school that's why when you grew up you

had to hire 30 of them you guys have

really come a long way though I remember

when the profile picture for the LTTE

channel was lioness dressed up in posing

as Steve Jobs remember that yeah total

douche bag move but it still looks

better than your new logo

you and Steve Jobs do have a lot in

common though Linus may you live as long

as he did

jokes aside man you're all right in my

book

you've been an inspiration over the

years and it's an honor to share the

stage of theater night thanks for having

me the roast of Linus Sebastian is

fueled by madrenas coffee get the Linus

tech tips vanilla cold brewed today

coming up lukla for any age

I still love you man Steve Burke Avon ho

and Linus himself oh I think there's no

one who deserves this more than me so

tired of all the beeps well now you can

watch the roast of Linus Sebastian

completely uncensored and get early

access to other Linus tech tips content

at flow plain calm yeah to me our next

roaster Lou cliff ranae is like a

shapeshifter who can morph to perfectly

match his job title he used to play the

hunky co-host now he plays the

basement-dwelling software day man you

look like if Luke eight Luke or if a

Philip Seymour Hoffman was playing Luke

you know I like that comparison because

these days the two of you get about the

same amount of camera time please

welcome heir to the duck dynasty fortune

Luke laughs Renee

James sir that's all you get thank you

worth any more time Terran tongue why

the fuck are you here

like I knew you from before but do you

guys even know who he is

I thought Ross were supposed to be made

up of like recognizable people I think

the rest of the people are are here at

the very least some background Terran

works at Corsair you guys know Corsair

they have a logo that looks like a

pirate ship he used to work with Linus

at ncx

I think they might have had a logo one

time that looked like a sinking ship not

entirely sir and like any foundering

vessel the rats will always get out

first

Colton technically I left two so I don't

know Colton

Nick thank you for inviting me I know

Colton isn't up here anymore he got

kicked just like in every other

situation this everyone is the kind of

reward that you get for charitable work

see I handed both of these to high

school degenerates the only thing they

were ever successful at it's nice to see

something in return

also Colton you still owe me for that

computer buddy hit me up I'm gonna start

why this section with a moment of

silence that wasn't a respect of

anything that was a gift to all of you

it's probably the only silence you will

ever have with Linus in the room I've

absolutely had to get used to giving

gifts of no monetary value like that one

because Linus in all his generosity and

fairness paid me below minimum wage for

a really long time actually the first

holes the whole time I knew Taran

interesting

kinda true I had to budget about $3 a

day for food and I slept on a friend's

couch well we turned his little side gig

into the monster YouTube channel it is

today he's kind of like Darth Vader but

more like Darth helmet their dark helmet

technically from Spaceballs due to his

like overall stature wouldn't really fit

in the suit watching him get mad is

horrible cuz he's got a lot of power

like Vader he's your boss he can fire

you unlike Vader who would kill you

what's going to get frustrated however

is quite hilarious I think we actually

got a little taste of that earlier on

the big screen it's just a hyper

energized little chihuahua it's it's too

funny it's really hard to keep it in

sometimes you spend the whole first

movie thinking Darth Vader is the

biggest baddest scariest force in the

universe and then you meet Emperor

Vaughn the one who's really in charge

and I don't just mean at work by the way

I lived with him for a while make no

mistake she's the boss no question 100%

I'm even pretty sure she forced chokes

him in bed buddy I know it went down

actually Nick you kind of look like

Darth Vader but just when he takes the

helmet off machine it's the problem with

making fun of Linus for being like short

or weak or having to be hair or super

high-pitched voice etc is that there's

nothing wrong with those things so like

I wasn't gonna go that angle he can't

change that stuff what he could change

is being a terrible person but it's just

not gonna happen

one time we were hiking the second

tallest mountain in the concert he knows

where this is going so interesting it

also happens to have lightning storms on

it after 2 p.m. and we're doing it for a

land party totally makes sense welcome

to last media group so we were flown in

the last minute to save him some money

so we had no time to acclimate to the

altitude because you know sacrifice to

stormtroopers I guess and as I'm about

twice as tall as he is and consume a lot

more oxygen with my grown man lungs

I got altitude sickness pretty quickly

okay Brandon wherever he is thank you

for coming I'm not dissing Brandon

Brandon lovely he was carrying about 45

to 50 pounds of gear on his back the

entire time

I'm I'm gasping away like Nick on a

Stairmaster

Linus abandons us to get signatures from

a witness while we potentially die

lightning struck sir lightning strikes

are landing all around us right in front

of us I'm literally carrying someone on

my shoulder as we barely hobble out in

time before freakin God Himself strikes

us down Linus is just relaxing in the

car filming me as I come down is great

it was wonderful you might be wondering

he left you to die why not quit after

that see his ego is so massive that his

main hiring technique is gravitational

pull and I mean that physically like he

actually pulls people in so few people

have quit - we knew group not because

they didn't want to leave because they

haven't been able to muster up the

escape velocity that's now we're talking

about people that have a god complex

it's usually a little bit more

hypothetical he wants to write a book

about himself and beyond the potential

book DLC and like subscription model and

however else he's going to figure out

how to monetize it it's just we at this

point like sure people are gonna be

interested people talking about it for a

long time but we don't need the mind

comp of YouTube just know I need to be

one of those I'm expecting chapters like

how to create an aquarium where you are

absolutely the biggest fish getting

bullied the early years how to sacrifice

human life for fun and monetization and

Asian chicks actually super approachable

well I'll over here got a vasectomy no

big deal smart move unlike anyone else

I'm not gonna make fun of that but he

did seem to really like the fact that he

got recognized he mentioned on tech wiki

he mentioned on land show it seemed like

a big deal

I do think he really liked the fact that

someone that washed his videos touched

his dick and by the way I do believe the

doctor was excited I think he was

actually quite into it but I do think

that everyone that watches your content

would just generally love to see you

sterilized on the topic of everyone why

is your panel mostly made up of your

employees it's because they're easy

targets or like no one else show up you

know they're my only friends to be fair

I'm assuming Austin Marquez Justine and

the like would probably rather do

anything on a Friday than hang out with

you considering you have no friends

thank you for delivering my fun you had

to insert yourself and steal one more

thing well you have to make everything

so damn difficult like this roast for

instance I had about a month to prepare

for this I had a very long time to

prepare for this but he's actually an

incredibly difficult person to make fun

of for things that actually matter

I had an insanely hard time with that

even then I had to crush on Star Wars

references which I think was almost half

of it and just straight-up embellishment

for which I'm probably gonna hear about

later the truth is since the first day

we've met you've always had my back

through every failure every success

imaginable both personally and

professionally no matter how many jokes

are made about your height at this event

to me you're a giant and I've stood on

your shoulders for years I'm proud that

after eight years we're still working

together and it's an honor to call you

my friend

our next roaster has some glorious hair

Steve you ever think about donating it

actually I'm picturing you bald now and

you might end up just looking like Nick

give it up for Steve Burke

thanks for the introduction James

organizing a roast like this is really

one hell of an accomplishment if you

could get anyone on this stage other

than the cast of attention whoring minor

celebrities good job really I have no

idea who convinced madrenas that

literally just the word roast that's it

was enough to make this into an

advertisement but nothing says that

Linus tech tips more than shoehorning

content into an ad what's next Linus a

barbecue is sponsored by Intel CPUs a

persecution complex sponsored by AMD

fans

I don't mention Nvidia because I am

contractually obligated to not mention

LT T's parent company it's always great

to see my mortal enemy Jay how's it

going Jay probably asked kingpin to

write your jokes tonight it's amazing

that Jay found the time to be here

between celebrity PC builds and

forfeiting overclocking battles the guy

works seriously hard I've never seen

anyone take a year to build a computer

quite like Jay post Malone's lucky he

got that thing before he died of liver

failure it's also good to see my friend

Kyle here tonight Kyle I'm glad to see

you're not busy phoning and yet another

video from your car I don't know who

will be happier when you're in a fatal

car accident Walmart or the verge at

least Lyle won't be held back anymore

Linus finally get to you I know you've

been waiting all night I'm surprised to

see you smile so much tonight honestly

it's amazing it's a medical miracle that

your face isn't permanently stuck in

your clickbait thumbnail pose

how does it go it's like you got to hold

it a little longer

oh I'm sorry take the picture so there's

an old myth that having your photo taken

would suck out your soul and based on

what we've seen of you I think they were

probably right

speaking of soul sucking experiences

they're not more depressing than

watching - a 32 year old man tried to

promote a $700 vacuum cleaner to his 13

year old audience I don't know what cost

less your sandals or your integrity it

could be worse at least you're not

Austin Evans hey guys this is Austin and

this is paying my bills this month

lioness it's it's really helpful to have

you in the industry sincerely I mean

that it just it makes the rest of us

look so good I still remember when you

tried to show the internal case thermals

lioness through a tempered glass panel

with a thermal camera you can't do that

there's reflectivity issues there's a

Mississippi issues this isn't a joke it

just really bothered me for about four

years now so you know I just want you to

remember what it feels like to care

about your job that was still friends

speaking of unfunny things house

channel's super fun doing or did it die

with your passion for computer hardware

oh that's not true Linus still has

plenty of passion he shows it mostly

when working on projects he really loves

like stealing washed-up hosts from dying

channels Riley scandals by

misidentifying tampons but it's all

about the engagement isn't sincerely

though Linus even though you peaked

seven years ago when you reviewed a toy

fire truck we really appreciate having

you from this industry you bring a lot

of newcomers into the space it's

extremely healthy I think for the rest

of the industry and we are happy to

have you in it I respect everything

you've done and everyone on this stage

except for James

how many more left next up we've got

Linus's wife Yvonne ho or as I like to

call her lionesses excuse to be racist

Yvonne works with Linus so during the

height of me too I was constantly

refreshing my newsfeed because I figured

lines is a powerful guy and frankly

there's just no way that anyone could

sense having sex with him she didn't

change her name because she's a ho for

sho please welcome to the stage the one

who wears the pants and the strap-on in

the relationship Yvonne ho for that

introduction knows James everybody but

don't clap for him he doesn't deserve it

he's actually going on paternity leave

soon imagine all the whining and burping

and the farting farting that we won't

have to deal with in the office anymore

hmm

anyway um sorry excuse me I'm just uh

I'm trying to look out into the audience

but I'm a little distracted by the next

bald spot they're like a freaking beacon

I could use the shine off your forehead

to like guide ships home from the sea

can you just tilt your head up a little

bit yeah thank you that's better that's

a better look for him anyway yes I am

lionesses wife and yes lioness has a

wife we've been together 14 years too

long and have three kids I used to tell

people that I actually had four kids

because Linus is a bit of a late bloomer

I guess I should have expected that from

someone who peed his bed till he was 15

years old I told you that in confidence

[Laughter]

he was a trust-building exercise we're

still waiting to see if his voice will

ever pass the puberty stage now a lot of

people actually think that I married

Linus for his money

but when I met Linus I was studying

pharmacy on my way to a six-figure

income and he was flunking out of school

jobless and had horrible pink hair pink

it was gelled the same as it is now - I

think he spikes it to look taller

because I can't think of any other

reason why he would do it we don't know

it doesn't look good he actually didn't

drop out of school till he made me

promise to take care of him huge red

flag ladies but it wasn't the financial

dependency or lack of prospects that

worried my mom no she pulled me aside

and was like honey he's really short if

you're wondering how romantic line is

this you obviously have never met him

and you probably know nothing about him

but his idea of romance is taking me out

to Red Robin and reading me a story

called everybody poops and lighting a

scented candle while I sit and watch him

play video games she told me that was

true that's all true that's true

that just happened last week a lot of

people ask me why I married Linus yeah a

lot of people wonder that it's good that

I married him before he got famous

though right otherwise I'd have to

compete with all these fans out there

just kidding you only attract men after

we got married though Linus did what a

typical guy would do he asked me to have

a threesome

well waking up in the middle of the

night to find Dennis in our

in Vegas was what I had in mind this is

also a true story I'm sorry Dennis there

were budget constraints I'm sorry Dennis

but ugly really isn't my type I'm just

kidding

you're beautiful on the outside a lot of

people have a problem with Genesis

accent but I don't I say keep practicing

and eventually one day you'll say

something intelligent a lot of people

don't know that I actually started this

company with Linus and even helped him

in the NCIX days but he just took credit

for all my ideas my labor and not only

that but he made jokes about paying me

with sexual favors why is so naive men

like you don't pay with sex they pay for

sex speaking of taking credit for other

people's ideas though a bit Rick Kyle is

here and when it comes to running his

YouTube channel I'm not sure he's ever

had an original thought he's copied us

every step of the way he even hired his

wife to help that's our awesome sauce

we're not mad that you copy us though

it's okay you shouldn't feel bad steve

copies us too he's got the bad fashion

and somehow even worse hair kudos for

doing something better than us though I

want my conditioner back MJ you're

actually one of the people I follow on

Twitter I really like some of your

colorful rants but I just want to share

some advice that I'm always giving -

acting like a giant dick doesn't make

yours any bigger

speaking your size back when I was

pregnant with my third child I thought

Luke might be too actually used to live

with us when we started LMG he was

really messy when he moved out he left

the biggest grossest stand on the floor

in the room now we have our two year old

son and boy it's nice to have someone

who's actually potty-trained he's bought

his own place now though huge grass it

was an estate sale meaning he bought it

from a dead guy he's so cheap that he

took the dead guys couch his chairs his

cutlery even though that guy's bed

that's true amazing deal all jokes aside

though the dead guys stuff is a huge

upgrade now people ask why does lmg have

so many people so - can have friends

when he wanted to go on vacation last

year he paid for 20 other people to go

and called it a mandatory company

retreat some of you might not know but

Linus is actually really concerned about

getting dadbod but hon you don't spend

enough time with the kids to qualify for

that now I haven't actually been with

many other people or actually any other

people besides Linus and that's probably

for the best because it might be more

disappointed I say more disappointed

because I do have fingers

Oh on summer nights Linus gets so sweaty

that he soaks the whole bed and it's

basically the only time he makes me wet

[Applause]

yeah joke's on you fifteen wasn't the

last time in all seriousness though you

know I love you you know I think you're

wonderful you're my best friend you're

my business partner love of my life

thanks for letting us poke fun at you

the roast of Linus Sebastian is fueled

by madrenas coffee get the Linus tech

tips vanilla cold brew today still to

come

Dennis liao while we're saying tonight

it's not just a joke J's two cents and

Reilly Murdock and I like roasting

people why can't we he'll be friends

keep the fire burning with the limited

edition madrenas roast t-shirt available

exclusively at LT t store calm our next

roaster has no idea where he is or

what's happening Dennis Liao

is really popular on a site called rate

drivers dot CA seriously I tried to

punch in his plate number before this

event and the whole site just crashed

you think I'm being racist but I'm not

making this up here's my favorite

comment this is real after having an

altercation at a red light with this

Asian he almost ran some people over

because he was texting and driving no

yeah for the record Dennis I don't think

you're texting you're probably taking a

dick pic put your Dennis Lee out

oh my god simply if I'm working with a

bunch of okay it's my turn

look at these people oh look I haven't

seen you for a while

you've been living good living big know

why it's called flow plan because he

would never sink wait till looking on

that why are you laughing nig light as

if kayo and Yvonne peep

all these white people thought we age

and look all the same but I can tell you

the difference you are ugly James James

he loved recycling and work he just he

always tells people like what - psycho

what to put there and he get Oh piss

about it hehe never get born for

recycling and he even use recycled

condom and that's why his wife is

pregnant I'm happy for you I guess

everyone a word there's always one guy

always coming to work so energetic

smiling on the fucking Monday morning

and saying like oh good morning how's

our day

and this president Reilly but I've been

a so cast like my eyes was like half

open like always as people really like

working here and Bradley just always so

happy

I hate respond to his good morning so

here's good morning this is a sad

lioness you lost your two cats have you

found them

no oh have you checked you month's lunch

bag share with me

she showed me and yummy cover the jacket

came from one of them well we have two

big things to madrenas coffee and they

make this event happen but why does

would you print with Lambo

you know that's not real right it's been

demolished and good luck ok let's start

oh I'm not even using this okay so let's

start with something positive - he's a

good guy he always give his promises

and he would take his word like one of

his favorite thing is firing people but

cotan what mister here and this is so

bad acting I'm so happy and you never

like push to it your acting career if

you ever think of going on a red carpet

going to Oscar this is the closest you

can get there's a well-known rumor that

Lana's gay

well it might be true a gay virgin I

mean I don't think no one your gay

community we fucked something like this

I mean I would rather fuck look James

sure Riley David came out three all the

sales team is that Conan the contractor

coop you're the kitchen set

but now Steve you look too much like a

woman from the back I'm nine two daddies

so Yvonne so I can promise you that your

marriage is secure

speaking of secure Linus is insecure why

ever since Lance got his vasectomy

because I've been like so secure like he

always carrying this orange screwdriver

round and pocket so he has a big come on

Linus nice try

in fairness I've been carrying that for

ten years oh we do you get picks ectomy

that early Lana's sinus Lance is like an

annoying irritating bossy smelly bitch

is short bad breath why talented ten

last ugly pretty ikurou voice that that

you never wanted except for his money

which he never gets you anyway he is so

fucking cheap he will bring us out for

dinner but he would never pay for drinks

not even anything so let's be size

screwdriver is there any coupons in your

pocket oh you know what's in my pocket

oh dang again oh I got this ten yen from

my cocoa refill here is this you know -

you owe me an apology you know why

because I'm not interesting your tech

videos I'm not interesting your cpu GPU

fuck you it's like having your video

it's like having a thick knife like like

it's just like only my eyes oh fuck but

it's also I'm like a talented caring

nurse and all I do was like wiping ass

this is Odette

your bill guy words there's one time

you're watching a pill guy idea tried to

peel computer I finish before I drop it

I look down why the fuck my wearing

sandals and socks well - you are a nice

person I'm really thankful that you

pinned my wall if I broke your ceiling

our next roaster has got to be the

oldest guy in the room if Linus is tech

dad J is tech grandpa if if if Steve is

tech Jesus J is tech Methuselah I'm

trying to express myself here if if

Linus is at the height of his career J's

dead lion Sanjay you guys should really

do more collaborations though because

you guys are actually a pretty good team

J has the temperament of a child and

Linus has the body of a child put them

together you get one complete grown-ass

man make some noise for perhaps the

first creator eligible for youtube's

retirement pension beta J's two cents

okay we're here to obviously hang out

with someone who's got a face for radio

any voice worthy of mute I am of course

talking about lino Sebastian but before

that we've got a few people here that we

need to go ahead and address in the room

Kyle I want to congratulate you on the

dream of homeownership big boy cars big

boy clothes why don't you buy a fucking

brush I am sick and tired of watching

your videos and see that you're just

like I've got the messy thing going I

mean you're one fanny-pack away from

fucking hits hipster of the year okay

Luke I like you better without the beard

seriously you look like a fucking

unshaped vagina too pissed when James

said it cuz had you shaved I would

realize you just look like a shave

vagina Steve so we talked recently about

we don't watch each other's videos

because we're too busy until recently I

found out yours are the perfect solution

for insomnia they're so fucking boring I

cannot make it past the intro like I

never see the ad cuz I don't make it

that far

Dennis hi I have no idea what you

fucking said in that last side I'm sorry

I've been in the studio I've watched

some I have no idea what you're saying

and when I go to Taiwan it's like I'm in

the land of Dennis's I have no idea

what's happening seriously so but but

but you're sweet and I yea just smiling

not wryly I don't know you know I've

seen you you're you're pretty much as

white girl as it gets for being a dude

and when NCIX tek-tips went under I was

like yes I had to see this hooker

anymore and then Linus hired you yes

yeah James James James we went back and

forth on this I didn't know how deep I

should go like how hard should I go I

didn't know and he kind of was like okay

your SATs okay it's a good start you

know but we really want to see like a

verbatim script but we use a different

system recomm

it's called talent so I'm kind of

clicking the thing but you know

something really looking at it right I'm

looking at you because we don't need

that but it makes you feel better I'll

keep flicking the button lioness though

I'm happy to see that nobody held back

because I was concerned really honestly

wait who should have held back with your

dad I'm just saying

Linus literally looks like a sock puppet

without the hand I mean look at it look

at the hand in there the other hand is

in the other end but you know whatever

there's something be said about a man

who only wears his own brand though

right I mean think about what you're so

fucking conceited you have to brand I'm

surprised you haven't sold the sweater

and started putting sponsors and stuff

on that and don't use that idea because

I'm probably gonna do it myself but in

but in terms of looks and stuff though I

mean you can't really help that you

can't help the fact that you look like a

steel skeleton wearing wax paper for

skin maybe by comparison pounds but you

know at least I can lift more than five

pounds so we've also we we've all seen

those screaming goat videos though right

I mean literally that's what I hear one

of your videos come on

I don't know Avon what the fuck I used

to think okay Linus has he's got a good

business he's I knew you were farmers

he's you know go to pharmacy school when

all that sort of stuff and I thought

okay well maybe she realized like this

is a white guy going somewhere and work

you just said none of that had anything

to do with it you married him when he

was a deadbeat or you got with him he's

a deadbeat you had to take care of him

you were the one going somewhere he has

a small dick what is wrong with you I

don't get it I don't get it but that's

okay that's besides the point

I mean Linus can't control things like a

statue his voice but he can control his

fucking fashion sense so I'm off the

cards now guys sorry so anyway we we

recently were at Austin Evans wedding

and somehow I don't know how this

happened we got into the conversation

about saw quality I wish this were a

joke we're sitting there and like

waiting to get into the reception and he

goes on about like champion sucks you

know whatever this brand is good this

rands bad I wear them out in badminton

yeah I mean never thought I have a

conversation with some

talking about sock quality while playing

badminton but this guy for like 15

minutes went on and found a brand that

cost a little more but has a lifetime

warranty I realized he knows more about

socks than anything tech related yea

1997 called it wants its hearing backs

apparently with the lesbian from earlier

I don't know something like that but

Linus is cheap he told me - he only goes

to places that he can get all you can

drink iced tea he told me once he drinks

so much

iced tea that they double charged him

and when he called him out on that he

drank more than apparently all you can

drink because he's that into iced tea

the speaking of drinks madrenas you

don't even drink coffee it is he will

put his name on anything with a dollar

sign behind it and this is evidence of

that he recently showed in a sponsor

spot one of his live streams that he

didn't even know how to make it and then

he said that if he drink coffee he

assumes it tastes alright so if there

was a if you want to talk about

Schilling and people who are willing to

put their name behind anything this is

it I mean I was thinking you know it's

nice of Linus to pay for all of us to

come up here and I realize Lance isn't

paying for this if there's ever been any

/ more overwhelming proof though that

Linus will shill it's literally this

event right here but you know talking

about shilling and that kind of segues

into the whole concept of you have a big

team you need to the sponsor spots to

help keep everything afloat because

there's big overhead there's big

expenses you did a live stream recently

from your phone talking about every year

you kind of have to address this topic

why is LMG so big why there's so much

staff it's because it takes 27 people to

lift your but there's anything I've ever

learned about small limp-dick terrible

haired earring wearing sock warranting

sellout like Linus is that anybody can

literally make the dream come true as

long as you're willing to pay people to

make you look like you know what you're

doing - and all seriously though I

appreciate you you showed me

that even with a voice like yours you

can go somewhere online so a huge thank

you I respect you and everything that

you do and thanks for inviting me

I know Linus cares about the environment

because he uses recycled hosts Riley

Murdoch you were definitely raised in a

cul-de-sac a I was if god's a software

developer your as MVP Minimum Viable

personality please welcome the product

of hitting go on a basic white guy

generator

thank you James

you said some mean things about me but I

know he's joking because this is a roast

normally it's kind of hard to tell

because his face looks like he just

stepped in dog yeah some people have

resting bitchface

James has resting serial-killer face but

it's actually a trick because he's

actually really got a soft heart he's an

environmentalist he single-handedly

started the recycling program that we

have at LMG he's a vegetarian

you know he loves the world just not the

people on it I bet he would love

actually if half the population got

wiped out like today just to see less

trash in the landfills he's not even

there I have to sit here and take it I

was gonna call him a sick eco-conscious

bastard there he is yeah

well that actually works right and

really well into my next joke he's

basically Santos you know legitimate

interesting character complex

motivations but at the end of the day

it's just a big purple dick see me I

love the world I love that we have so

many wonderful Roasters here Steve Burke

from gamers Nexus Steve is a critical

thinker a gentleman and a scholar but

you wouldn't guess it because he looks

like a cro-magnon man

not many people know this Steve is

actually a bit of a scientific marvel

yeah he was conceived in a lab using

ancient sperm trapped in amber oh maybe

that's why you couldn't convince the

verge or a real journalist me Steve me

expose Intel scandal lowly dot whole

thing

it's just not gonna happen man why can't

you get it through your hair lukla

Frannie a is here tonight is out you see

her name I don't know I think so Luke's

old nickname was slick but I could never

really bring myself to call him that

when his wardrobe consists entirely of

shirts that he can get for free at PAX

alright work or at work but don't get me

wrong I appreciate the aesthetic you've

curated you know you look very happy

very contented like you've just finished

your third hungry-man TV dinner

people say Luke and I look related and

you know maybe it's true you know maybe

we're triplets the other one

Dennis Lau is here everybody he's the

main editor for Tech link the news show

that I write and host and he's also a

magnificent angel look at him I know

this is a roast I know he said some mean

things about me but could you ever say

something nasty about such a pure spirit

look at him he's like a delicate forest

sprite a being of light and perfect

goodness Oh Dennis

can we get Dennis anything do you need

anything

I just wanted can you give him a drink

can you can someone get him yeah please

he deserves all the goodness in the

world oh sweet sweet sweet boy sweet

Dennis no one ever can hurt you I will

stop them bless you Dennis Kyle you man

I'm sorry I'm sorry that was a reflex

you see when I was making videos for

NCIX Kyle was doing the same thing for

our main American rival Newegg so he is

still legally my nemesis and we've only

met like twice I'm sorry Kyle Karla's

his own channel of course formally named

the relatable and excitable exciting

awesomesauce Network and then you

changed it to be tweet I mean--but would

it sounds like the fifth Teletubby who's

too stupid to make it on the show so

tinky-winky and dips he had to leave him

in the namby-pamby forest yes I googled

the names of the Teletubbies for that

Kyle's had a bit of trouble with the

verge recently aka the real journalists

they took down his Lyle characters

response to their shitty PC building

guide because they said it infringed

their copyright and featured a racist

character because he did a Chinese

accent now Kyle is Asian okay but I can

understand the confusion I mean it looks

Mexican and his last name is Hanson I

mean I hear his full name and I think

and we're also being graced tonight by

the presence of Taryn Tong from Corsair

Taryn also worked at NCIX as we've heard

nice to see you escape the Gulag man and

look where he ended up you know a

featured presenter at an amateur comedy

roast for a minor internet celebrity but

the real reason we're here tonight

everybody the third most famous Linus

Linus Sebastian now although I've only

worked for Linus for about a year I

actually worked with him back at NCIX

I don't remember much from my time there

only some vague flashes come through you

know a high-pitched whine cutting

through the office like a hot knife

through hair gel a glimmer of light

reflecting off not one

but double hoop earrings in both ears

why - why do you need so many I don't

think he can even remove them now I

think there have been infused into his

nervous system and I'll never forget

this the distinct aroma of dippity-do

hardening into a jagged hellscape of

spikes very affordable yes unfortunately

it was 2013 and hair gel hadn't been

cool for like 10 years

seriously though everyone's style kind

of crystallizes at some point usually in

adulthood but you were 13 and you were

like this is it only this but that's

what we love about Linus isn't it he

doesn't flip flop around with the trends

in fact he never wears flip-flops only

the thickest sole sandals with the

sturdiest velcro those things are not

coming off no matter how much of Vaughn

bags legend has it that beneath those

straps his skin is entirely translucent

yeah Linus looks less like a successful

business owner and more like a 1990s

Circuit City employee

why would I move out of my parents house

I'm saving money I don't have to cook

and I can even have girls over if I

leave the door open okay but really guys

we all know Linus is actually an

incredibly hard-working creator a

dedicated husband and father and an

inspiring leader I can't thank him

enough for fishing me out of that

dumpster last year and what he's built

in Linus media group is nothing short of

astounding I mean you've got a huge

studio hundreds of thousands of dollars

in equipment and close to 30 employees

now I think we can afford a stylist

that's it

the roast of Linus Sebastian is fueled

by madrenas coffee get the Linus tech

tips vanilla cold brew today up next

Linus gets the last word he deserves to

be roasted he doesn't deserve the roast

so I hope he leaves here a little bit

sadder than he came the closer we get to

it the more I'm terrified

this next roaster is someone who

definitely needs an introduction I just

met Taryn Tong for the first time

tonight when he tried to sell me DVDs on

the sidewalk definitely representing

Corsairs official position

please welcome Taryn Tong

so I'd like to thank head gamemaster

Seneca Crane for organizing this event

tonight just so you know editions or

downstairs on the casting couch

hopefully I see the view count is high

enough tomorrow see still a lot of jobs

when I usually see Linus it's at some

sort of trade show where he starts

waltzing in and because he's been famous

he starts breaking so tonight I'm like

well this is the first time in 15 years

he's invited me on any one of his shows

so I'm looking around and what can I

break I'm sort of thinking something

grand like the camera boo because

nothing says no nothing says view house

like human tragedy I mean don't tell

your old friends about it after the show

yeah speaking of internet-famous

it's finally nice to meet some Michael

Cole Roasters by watch long wine Jay

from Chase to science Steve from capers

Nexus Kyle from bit with what is a bit

what kind of sounds like you know a head

injury that you get after you take one

too many shots of the head do you guys

for finally William Hung if we all get

through this night you can might come up

and do our encore she bangs then there's

a five Benchwarmers from leader- Media

Group billion for the other youtubers

who had better sense no techy tease

sometimes us unfairly criticized for a

lack of diversity but what I feel

tonight is that we can yes we can show

the world that we can in very slight

diversity that we like we have the

frontier

this robot claw Sonny was named Dennis

taking a break from devious tree turning

tricks no representing China even though

he's Taiwanese official communist party

doctrine says it's other way around then

all the hardware that James put into

organizing this so I like to give him

one day slow claps after months and

months of preparation he managed to find

one not to just one woman to participate

and that's Linus his wife forever dude I

mean it should be it should be a simple

pitch right you know come out have a

couple drinks of the few odors joke

about internet culture no joke about

technology with the biggest group in

tinsel is west of the Rockies

if this isn't progress I don't know what

is your Vaughn just bit of advice keep

that rape whistle and pepper spray ready

and later when I tell you you run you

just run but you had your chance to

speak now at the wedding Jay first time

we're meeting tonight even though my

employer possibly my former employer

depending on how the rest of the night

goes that's working for several years

recently I saw a really touching episode

where she answers a call from the

make-a-wish roundish and he's building a

PC with a kid who got shot with cancer

no terrible thing but be straight with

me

where were you really their first choice

I mean what was the selection process or

like going through YouTube videos and

they're like fuck this here the two of

them up good thing they didn't check and

see how long it takes them to finish a

build

but series is a really good stuff I mean

it shows you know the power this

community and the heart that we have and

it makes us all appreciate that we're

all relatively good health except for

Nick he looks like he's about to go in

for a lobotomy tomorrow or maybe he's

having a coronary I mean with those

times are you trying to hide one of

those and timely boners we have been

sitting around for a little bit longer

than we probably liked the lights a

little bit warm to try to fight it but

you can't so just roll with a buddy

cheese phones for one trophy and

humanity doesn't really end there though

I mean I understand that he brought

Steve from gamers Nexus with him tonight

because Steve wanted to be on YouTube

channel that was somebody watch out

there as well but don't worry Steven

everything C says is true about you your

hair is dreamy you're just big-boned

real catch and you know what for some of

you has such strong opinions about cable

management the hair but really really

unfroze will be here when Linus asked me

to come up I thought was a wonderful

opportunity to support the LGBT

community I mean just look at this

transformation but they made from a

socks and sandals wearing lesbian to a

proud possibly gay men looking forward

to have been taking a story rejection

last I hear that Denis ago help

volunteer administer

so you can go from his twelve-year-old

girl like nasal voice to and Elizabeth

Holmes like baritone well hello this

account right be log your journey will

be good I think will be pretty brave

hashtag courage display all the grief I

get - before today today tomorrow

he's preserved he's made it and he's a

decent human being

Kiril deep much more deeply about

employees and has a lot more emotional

depth than his a crappy videos may

suggest - today is a more introspective

version of the dumb kid I met years ago

you know mastering his negotiating

skills the vendors by telling them ahead

of time that no we have no intention

opinion I wish him more cells more views

and more successfully used to come

thanks for having me

our final roaster is Nick light just

think if all those years ago Michael

Jackson had had your face today there be

no controversy guilty please welcome the

guy who shows up with a bat if you

thumbs down a line this video

all right wow what an introduction from

the guy who's attempting to look like

Bruce Buffer

after all these roasts something a

little a bit more like Bruce but hurt so

we'll try to get past that I'm really

happy that I get to share the stage

tonight with some of my awesome

colleagues like Riley you know as you've

heard tonight Riley's motivated he's

enthusiastic and boy is he positive like

seriously this dude is weirdly positive

this may be a bit far-fetched but some

days I wonder if Riley might secretly be

a serial killer

I could easily picture you just standing

in your kitchen frying up a bunch of

severed fingers and saying time for the

quick bits maybe maybe you'll enjoy them

with a side of good gravy

and Luke Luke of course as he alluded to

earlier without him I probably never

would have even heard of Linus tech tips

never mind actually working here but

Luke is the best type of guy to be

indebted to his memory is so bad that he

can't even remember to show up on time

for the wine show you know the show that

has started at the same time every week

we were like seven years so I feel

pretty safe in knowing that there's no

way in hell he's ever coming to collect

on that day Vaughn you're great too but

one thing that I absolutely can't stand

is how and us indecisive you are

sometimes I can't even imagine what it

must have been to deal with you when you

were a pharmacist you know you'd be

calling your patients back all the time

take one of these no no take two take

two take take four and then they never

called you back because by the time they

got the final message they were dead on

a more serious note though I would never

impersonate a generic Asian accent

unlike some people on this stage but I'm

personate Dennis all the time because

Dennis is the absolute king of

unintentional one-liners my absolute

favorite one happened in Vegas one time

you know we're all chilling in the room

at CES we're catching up on emails like

11 p.m. and

all of a sudden dennis barges through

the door obviously drunk and just says I

lost all my money and another time in

Mexico we were on some random jungle

excursion Denis looks over into the

distance and spots this huge hole in the

ground

and he points to Colton and he says hey

Colton the reason why you're here is so

I can put you in your grave and I'm sure

I'd have many many more examples of that

if only I could understand half the

words that come out of your mouth and

who can forget our esteemed guests the

three guys who had nothing better to do

on a Friday night than fly to a

different country country to take part

in a bootleg marketing event for a

coffee company hosted by the troupe of

man children who brought you such

classics as arctic hobby land rider 503

RC firetruck unboxing and first look

Linus tech tip yes that is the full

title of Linus's most viewed video and

yes this is the moment where all of you

should be seriously reflecting on the

life choices you've made that have

brought you to this very stage Kyle the

man the myth the bit whip

Lyle's just better I'm not even making a

joke that's just Steve or as he's more

affectionately known tech hey-zeus maybe

if you smoked as much weed as your hair

makes it look like you do you'd actually

make an entertaining video I'm honestly

really quite surprised that you showed

up tonight all of the famous people here

already don't know how to build their

own pcs at least when Linus decides to

make a six-part video series the

audience already knows it'll take over a

year to complete and land with fake

excitement and speaking of Linus who can

forget the reason we're all here tonight

mr. Linus Sebastian

Linus media group Linus tech tips Linus

cat chips this guy really doesn't take a

whole lot of himself

I actually heard that Linus wanted to

have five kids that way he could start

the names with L I and you and they'd be

like the Power Rangers except instead of

truck joining together to save the

planet

they'd have to fight to keep their dads

fragile ego intact after he gets old and

looks a whole lot more like I do for all

the hater we see online it's actually

pretty easy for me to look past all that

clickbait titles and shitty thumbnails

they've given me the perfect title for

my future tell-all book the many faces

of Linus Sebastian a series in 12 parts

and in addition to the many faces of

Linus there are many sides to Linus it

well as well so at work he's running

around like a man on a mission he's got

a screwdriver in his pocket he's lifting

heavy servers but then you get to the

badminton court and he's moving

elegantly and he always makes sure to

have his balance hand out when he goes

up to smash that cock I mean shut

shuttle cock show cock why don't we just

call it a birdie I only like him because

he makes me money I guess I just had

that down as a note but even with all

the things that we can harp on you know

your height your voice the way you just

drag on forever

the bottom line is that you promote

curiosity creativity and hard work and

tech content that is second to none

you're fantastic influences on the lives

is everyone here and everyone watching

at home and I want to say thank you

ladies and gentlemen it's time for the

rant you've all been waiting the man

that YouTube only puts on trending to be

ironic

Linus Sebastian that was I was hard

honestly it wasn't quite as bad as I was

expecting they'll believe it or not

that's actually the first time Nick's

ever said anything nice about me

honestly guys I didn't think bad Apple

had a single kind bone in his body

though in fairness to me you can't

really blame you it would have been

pretty hard to find a bone in there yeah

you're smiling the fat joke Steve I mean

at least you didn't call me a pathetic

corporate shill by name when you did

your mock vacuum cleaner review yeah

it's pretty quiet I guess you guys

didn't see that video that's okay you

really didn't miss much it's kind of

like the rest of these videos really

King like here's the thing I might have

an irritating voice but it beats putting

the entire room to sleep every time I

open my mouth then there's this tech

Jesus thing like what is that I'm always

hearing yeah he's tech Jesus meanwhile

I'm sitting here going yeah no that

can't be right

I mean for one thing Jesus had 12 whole

followers

and for number two he eventually came

back from the dead you ask me he's more

like tech weird al' that's without the

accordion or a personality yeah laugh it

up Kyle but I mean at least Steve's

videos have substance I mean I was

chatting with your BFF Lyle the other

day and I think he put it best he goes

okay rook he call himself

awesomesauce but he looked more like

sweet-and-sour dork you two stupid even

for the verge if it's been higher your

racist Real Talk man you have any idea

how offensive that voices to people what

no no I can do it I'm like half Chinese

on my wife's parents I'd at least unlike

you guys Jay knows something it's off so

Jays an expert when it comes to milking

celebrity appearances for YouTube views

I swear to god man

how many parts was the post Malone built

you got your part one you got your part

two you've got your oh my god it's

finally working thank God oh thank you I

was like gonna make that video dude it's

a computer just King build it thank God

he didn't leave you a review on Yelp

yeah my brand-new computer was outdated

six months before he delivered it more

like Jays too slow

and there's you sorry who are you again

right right Oh VP of Sales of course

their memory Oh Big Shot douche you know

he's lucky that they never checked his

resume every company he has ever worked

for has gone to get you know everyone

you know before he settled into Hocking

memory modules he tried to make it as a

tech reviewer remembered a neo seeker oh

yeah exactly right why all right his

most recent victim NCIX so if that's

anything to go by

I'd say submit your Corsair warranty

claims get your rebates in because it's

the pile of dead bodies is anything to

go by I'd say they got about another

three years

which reminds me Riley for three years I

tried to poach this guy from them so hey

you know Riley lmg is a pretty cool

place to work

oh yeah wow that's neat maybe I was

better off without you you're clueless

fuck he's so nice and sincere you can't

be like maybe this is an underhanded

recruitment attempt

anyway NCIX finally folds and I sent

over a proper job offer and what do I

get back oh you know I really want to

but my wife isn't sure if she thinks I

should do it oh you want mate either

you're whipped as fuck

or you use your wife as a shield either

it's a bad luck which brings me

perfectly Luke where do I start with

Luke how about before I even met him

guys have can liar you know

probably the biggest one was actually on

his resume so it was only years later

that he finally admitted that his only

experience in video production was quite

literally a keyboard unboxing that he

made in the kitchen with his mom did you

know he's actually the only reason that

we implemented a dress code at our

company that's right we it's a really

simple one where actual pants because

nobody wants to see a giant meat print

sticking out of your flannel PJs I know

what the dick swinging was about though

it really could not have been easy for

you having the stature of Batman with

the status of Robin back to wearing

pants though

my wife now we've heard already a lot of

people say well she must have married me

so that she could spend my money but

come on guys you got to think critically

that's obviously not true because if it

was the first thing she'd have bought is

a pair of breasts like honestly hon if I

wore as much padding as you just think

of it what an innovation I could just

like no it's great

we're actually shopping the other week

was adorable so she's all excited she

finally found something that fits right

and I go honey nobody hit the Isle for

adult women who's over there right

honestly I don't even know why I'm

laughing at this joke because the jokes

kind of on me I mean we're done having

kids so it's not like she needs them for

anything at least my wife can use power

tools though you think I forgot about

you so this guy invites me over to see

his new apartment on a Saturday and I

get there

and apparently he expects me to paint

his walls and mount his TV you know

you're fucking useless when you trust

these butterfingers more than yourself

to handle your expensive electronics I

don't know I guess I don't blame you

though I mean so I asked this guy to

hand me a drill because I'm working on

things for him he goes oh I'm not a

drill person is a dresser a man a table

would you believe this guy served in the

Taiwanese military thank God China never

actually invaded James look at him over

there he's all like he's sitting in the

throne oh you know my roast isn't you

James

do you James this is your one chance to

be in charge enjoy it big man I know

that's what you really are

textbook small dog you're always talking

about your big dick energy last time I

checked man your hands ain't much bigger

than mine I mean okay sorry just to be

clear about one thing I'm actually not

saying that that's an indication

oh you guys were all here when my wife

was up oh you know that's actually

pretty easy coming up with mean things

to say about me his voice is so high his

balls haven't dropped honestly by

comparison

coming up with mean things to say about

you guys was really hard for me before

tonight I accept James James you enjoyed

this movie seriously though I think this

is the part of the show where I thank

you all sincerely from the bottom of my

heart for being here I know that this

was absolutely a ton of work for all of

you you guys were amazing by the way you

also put a lot of trust in what is

admittedly a gaggle of idiots to pull

this all off means a lot so as much as I

want to say that I absolutely meant all

of the mean things I said I love you all

enough to start bottling them up again

tomorrow

speaking of the best our sponsor

madrenas coffee

featuring the lambo roast and this

exclusive orange can we wouldn't been

able to do this without you guys I also

want to thank our production team and

the incredible team at flow plane it

might take them a while but eventually

they get it

we livestream this tonight exclusively

on float planes so thank you Luke I also

want to do a massive shout out to many

people but especially Yvonne Steph

Colton and James who worked tirelessly

on this for some of them weeks some of

the months leading up to tonight and of

course finally I want to reserve my

biggest thank you to our friends and our

family members who are here in the

audience you guys came out to show your

support damn it and also to our

dedicated fans both the ones that are

here in the audience encouraging us even

when our jokes aren't that great and the

ones that are watching us from afar over

the interwebs as much as that's pretty

creepy you guys without all of you

though none of this would be possible we

owe you all so much thank you for being

here and good night everybody

the roast of Linus Sebastian is fueled

by madrenas coffee get the Linus tech

tips vanilla cold brew today